


Wings

by bertererei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breaking characters, But they get better, Foul Language, Gen, Inspired by Boku dake ga Inai Machi (Erased), Needlessly excessive gore and violence, OOC, Power of Love and Friendship and Family and all that good nonsense, Time Loop, many characters die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-12-01 23:18:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20931704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertererei/pseuds/bertererei
Summary: “I usually see the same 1-5 minutes over and over again. Always right before something bad happens. It’s like someone is forcing me to prevent it, making me look for the ‘oddity.’ … I call that phenomenon ‘Revival.’” -Boku dake ga Inai Machi (Erased)Someone up there is clearly giving Eren chances to try again and again until he gets the perfect “Happy Ending.” If Eren was someone smart, he probably would have questioned why. But Eren is a selfish and an idiotic child, no matter how old he gets. He will use all the chances he can to change his destiny.





	Wings

**Author's Note:**

> So I have no idea how much I can write going forward. And since I haven't touched this since... August? And chapter 121 completely killed my motivation to work on this, I figured I'll just post it both as a nod to the fact that I'll probably not be around as much and as a "Okay, I'm done with this."
> 
> This contains heavy manga spoilers up to around chapter 116 and then diverges and does its own thing. That means everything that came after chapter 116 will all be ignored in this story. It also means that anything that looks like a spoiler after the events of chapter 116 are all fake. And in case you don’t want to check what chapter 116 is or don’t remember it, it’s when Pieck points dramatically at Eren on the rooftop.
> 
> The idea of “Revival” is something from _Boku dake ga Inai Machi (Erased),_ but this is not an Erased AU. This story is inspired by that power. You don’t need to know Erased to enjoy this. Please don’t misunderstand that. 
> 
> This story started off based on the song “Wings” by Birdy. As you can see, I ran out of lyrics before I can finish the story. But I couldn’t find another song that fit the second part I wanted to write. And I didn’t want to force the next part of the story and end up another _to slay a god._ And you've already heard me complain about chapter 121. 
> 
> So this story is just this. Sorry.
> 
> Warnings: Canon Divergence. Boku dake ga Inai Machi (Erased) Inspired. Time loops. Needlessly excessive gore and violence. Breaking characters (Mainly Eren, but few others too). Multiple character deaths (both minor and not. Both gorey and not). But they get better (mostly). Foul Language. OOC.

According to his mom, this is a power that everyone in her family has had for generations. “Revival,” they call it. An ability to repeat an event over and over again to prevent a tragedy from happening.

Carla used it just once in her life. It led to her saving a family friend, but that’s all she’ll say about it. No matter how much Eren begs and pleads, her lips pull into a tight smile and she shakes her head no. 

It’s an ability that they cannot control, Carla warned. This is not a power meant to save those precious to them. It exists for someone or something much higher them then (“Like god?” Eren asked, wrinkling his nose at the thought of the wall worshipers. Carla laughed and gave a helpless shrug, “Maybe?”). Someone or something that can see a grand plan uses them to shape the flow of history.

“I don’t get it,” Eren said when she tried to explain it.

Carla’s smile looked forced as she lovingly pushed Eren’s bangs out of his face. “Yeah, you’re too young.”

  
  


_ Sunlight comes creeping in _

_ Illuminates our skin _

  
  


The first time he experiences it, he is nine years old.

As his dad told him to, he stands at the bottom of the mountain, waiting to hear the good news. He waits and waits and waits. And by the time his dad comes to pick him up, he realizes that there’s no good news. There can’t be any good news. Not when his dad looks so stricken and upset.

The Ackermans are all dead.

The Military Police was not able to save the young daughter. They captured one of the bandits, but everyone else seemed to have been killed in the struggle.

Eren figures that’ll be that. That this is a sad thing that happened, but it’s not like it’s the worst thing that happens within these walls. He reaches for his dad’s hand to try to cheer him up when he sees it.

The blue butterfly.

And he’s no longer at the bottom of the mountain anymore.

He’s standing by the cabin entrance, waiting for his dad to open the door. It’s no longer nighttime. He doesn’t realize what has happened until his dad opens the door and lets out a strangled gasp.

Revival, Eren realizes.

But he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do, so he finds himself at the bottom of the mountain until the blue butterfly sends him back to try again.

He has to prevent something. He gets that much. But he’s not sure what exactly he needs to do. This Revival thing should come with better instructions. 

So instead of going down the mountain, he decides to look for the bandits’ hideout.

It’s actually pretty easy to find. The bandits were clearly too panicked to think this through carefully, so they left traces of blood on their way to hide. Eren literally walks into their hideout and almost dies from his own carelessness until the blue butterfly sends him back.

This time, Eren goes to talk them down. He’s knifed in the stomach and then has his head smashed in by something heavy. The blue butterfly sends him back.

Eren returns with a weapon. But he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and ends up stabbing the girl with it. The blue butterfly sends him back.

He pretends to be a lost child and stabs the first man dead. But the second man comes after him, wrapping his arms around Eren’s small neck. The blue butterfly sends him back. 

Eren kills both the first and second man. But the third man is one too many. The blue butterfly sends him back.

He tries again. 

And again.

And again.

And again. And again. And again. And again. And again… 

But the outcome doesn’t change. The first two, he can kill without much effort. But the last one just refuses to die. He’s starting to get so sick and tired of seeing that damned blue butterfly. When his eyes catches sight of the girl’s dazed eyes.

Right.

He’s doing this to save her, right?

Why the fuck can’t she help herself?

Why the hell does he have to die again and again, all for the sake of saving her? Why does he have to do this? 

“Fight! If you don’t fight, you don’t get to live!”

On shaky legs, she stands. She stabs the third man with precision that probably should have terrified him. But he’s too happy at the fact that they’re both alive. There are no more bandits. The blue butterfly is nowhere to be seen.

He absentmindedly wraps his own scarf around her and keep his eyes out for the blue butterfly.

  
  


_ We watch the day go by _

_ Stories of all we did _

  
  


His mom was right. 

It never activates when he needs it to. 

It won’t let him save his mom. It won’t let him stop Armin’s grandpa from being sent to die. It won’t let him save Mina, Thomas, and everyone else that were killed the second time the Colossal Titan appeared. It won’t let him save Petra, Oulo, Gunther, and Eld. It won’t let him kill Reiner. It won’t let him convince Ymir to stay. It won’t let him save both Erwin and Armin. It won’t let him undo the destruction of Liberio. It won’t let him free Historia. It won’t let him save Sasha. It won’t let him save Falco. It won’t let him undo Connie and Jean’s deaths. It won’t let him stop Hange from trying to kill him and be killed in return. It won’t let him stop Zeke from killing Levi. It won’t let him save Zeke from execution. It won’t let him take back the hurt and guilt on Mikasa and Armin’s faces as they betray him and leave him to die.

It won’t…

“This is for everyone!” Gabi yells as she thrusts the knife into Eren’s human nape.

So this is all he amounts to.

He tried his best, but it wasn’t enough. He could not save this island. He could not save anyone. Because in the end, he’s just a foolish man who has been given a special power that he cannot use. All he did was hurt everyone, even those who cared so deeply about him. He pushed his friends into a corner so that they had no choice but to betray him. No choice but to kill him.

Historia, you were wrong. Eren isn’t someone who should’ve been saved. You were wrong and now you’re stuck popping out babies like you’re some kind of an animal in heat.

Mr. Levi, you were wrong. You should never have protected Eren. You should never have decided to give freedom to a monster.

Zeke, you were wrong. You shouldn’t have put your faith in a brother that you’ve met just once. All under a mistaken belief that you two share the same tragedy.

Mikasa, you were wrong. You should never have trusted him for such a dumb reason as him wrapping that scarf around you. Don’t you know? Eren only saved you so he can stop dying. So stop coming back to him. Stop trying to help him. Stop relying on him. Find your own path forward.

Armin, you were wrong. What’s outside of those walls wasn’t freedom or the ocean. It was monsters worse than titans that they can never defeat. There was never any dream, never any goal, to strive towards. 

Reiner, you were right. Out of everyone in the world, you were the only one right. There’s nothing left for people like them but death. 

The blue butterfly flutters through the air.

And in the precious few seconds of life leaving his body, Eren… 

  
  


_ It made me think of you _

_ It made me think of you _

  
  


He gasps for air as he sits up. 

Stabbed. He was stabbed. He was stabbed by a little girl who swore to kill him since he attacked her hometown. But more so than the stabbing, the part that killed him the most was the betrayal. The way his friends all looked away after turning him over to the Marleys and the rest of the world. The way they refused to meet his eyes when Gabi’s knife came down.

“Eren? Did you have a nightmare?” Armin asks sleepily from the bed next to Eren’s.

Armin’s voice sends a shudder of fear down his spine. He feels like he can feel it again. The knife plunging deep into his nape. Gabi’s screams of vindication. The regret settling heavy in his heart.

“Hey? Eren?” Armin calls again, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Now that he’s no longer drowning in his own death, he realizes exactly where this is. No, it’s more accurate to say “when” this is.

Because hey? Isn’t this place…? Aren’t they all right now…?

“The dorms…?” 

Eren gets out of bed. Everyone else is clearly sleeping peacefully. When he gets a little too near, few of them mumble as if they can feel him. 

Alive. They’re all alive.

All the people from 104th Squad that should’ve died. They’re all…

A sob escapes out of his mouth before he can stop himself. He finds himself curled up into a small ball on the ground, just barely able to keep his sobs from being too loud.

They’re so young. Every single one of them look like nothing but baby-faced children, peacefully snoring away without any fear of what lies before them. This must be what? A few months after they joined the trainee squad? Before they got to know each other. Before they became comfortable enough with each other. Before the horrors of the world landed on their laps.

Before, one by one, everyone was picked off.

“Eren?” Armin calls worriedly.

A few moments later, Armin sits next to Eren and gently reaches for Eren’s back. But Eren can’t. He can’t. Not after Armin’s betrayal. Not after Armin gave him up to the Marleys. Not after-

“Hey, it was just a nightmare,” Armin says. 

There’s the softest (tiredest) smile on Armin’s face. His voice is soothing and gentle. His blue eyes are a calm ocean, beckoning Eren to see the world. Then Armin’s hand is rubbing small circles on Eren’s back. A touch of comfort that the Armin of the future will never give. A short respite from the storm of their terror-filled future. A breath of relief at the knowledge that that future can now be changed.

Because in this moment in time, Armin is still his friend. 

They have yet to betray each other.

In the security of Armin’s arms, Eren cries himself to sleep.

  
  


_ Under a trillion stars _

_ We danced on top of cars _

  
  


“Bwhahahahahaha!”

Groggily, Eren comes to as Armin tries to hush Jean’s laughter. The other 104th trainees have various expressions of amusement on their faces as they look down at Eren. In the stillness of last night, all Eren got was a glimpse of their sleeping faces.

But now, with the sun peeking in from the dorm windows, Eren sees them all clearly.

Tears spring from his eyes before he can stop them. 

The amusement on their faces disappear completely when they realize that Eren’s crying in earnest.

“H-hey? Are you alright?” Marco asks gently as he puts a hand on Eren’s shoulder.

Eren throws his arms around Marco and holds him tightly. Marco, the kind-hearted friend who died in a mysterious way without anyone there to grieve him until after, much much after. 

“E-Eren?!” Marco squeaks, his face turning pink.

But it’s not just Marco that’s here. It’s Thomas, whose blush spreads down even to his neck when Eren holds him. It’s Floch, who squeaks and stutters and is unable to form coherent words. It’s Franz, who flails his arms in the air as he protests that he’s a taken man. It’s Mylius, it’s Daz, it’s Nac, it’s Tom, it’s Gordon, it’s Samuel, it’s Connie, it’s Jean, it’s…

He stares through his tear-fogged eyes at Bertolt and Reiner. 

The two stare back at him with furrowed brows of apprehension. But that’s not what Eren sees.

Eren sees Bertolt’s face of utter relief when he sees them. Then it twists into that of realization to acceptance before it finally transform into horror that they’re all here to watch him die. That Eren is here to make good on his promise. 

He sees Reiner’s anguished expression as he presses his forehead against the ground and begs for Eren to kill him. The way Reiner only lifts his head to beg for forgiveness and death, because that’s all that he believes he deserves.

_ Reiner, I’m just like you. _

It seems that despite everything, he still can forgive the Warriors for what they were forced to do as children.

His arms wrap awkwardly around their big bodies. But maybe this is what they needed, too. Because he feels Bertolt’s body tremble while Reiner clings to Eren just as tightly.

This time, he swears, things will be different.

This time, he will change their tragic future.

  
  


_ Took pictures of the stage _

_ So far from where we are _

  
  


When Eren goes to hug Mikasa, Jean steps in front of him and intercepts. When he goes for Mina, Thomas gets in the way. When he goes for Sasha, he gets an armful of Connie. Hannah leads him to Franz, who tearfully apologizes to her for not being pure anymore (whatever that means). Ruth gets him Gordon. Sandra gets him Marco. Annie gets him Reiner with Bertolt staring at Eren with wide eyes of terror. Historia (Ah, he better not forget to call her Krista until she’s comfortable enough to tell them her name), Ymir.

No one stops him from hugging Ymir, though, who seems to take great offense at that.

“A delicate lady is getting mauled by this lunatic, and not a single one of you is going to help me?”

“That’s not very believable when it comes from you,” Reiner explains.

“But what’s with the hug all of a sudden, Eren?” Mina asks, glancing at Eren before quickly looking away from him with a blush.

“Get this,” Jean butts in. “This guy had a nightmare and wouldn’t stop crying all morning. Isn’t that the stupidest thing?”

Why is Mina’s blush getting darker? It seems Eren isn’t the only one curious, because the other guys are also looking at her in confusion.

“I-I didn’t realize… that y-you were so… s-sensitive,” she stammers. She keeps trying to look at Eren without meeting his eyes.

He doesn’t really get it, but it must be a compliment, because Jean gets offended.

“Now, now,” Marco says with a calming smile. “Let’s get breakfast first.”

That’s right. 

Once upon a time, whenever Jean and Eren started to fight, they were stopped by kind smiles and soothing words. There were people around them who were responsible enough (gentle enough) to stop them. If those people made it to the end, would they have been able to reach Eren through his anguish and betrayals? Or would they have joined Mikasa and Armin to side with the rest of the world?

His eyes begin to sting with tears again. But he doesn’t want to burst into tears. Not again. He’s already rubbed his eyes raw (and been teased enough). 

So instead, he grabs Marco’s hand.

Marco’s breathing hitches. His face is slowly turning red as he tries to keep his calm when talking to Eren.

“W-w-why are you…?”

“Your hand is warm, Marco.”

Marco wordlessly closes his mouth and doesn’t say anything more. He keeps his gaze down, refusing especially to meet Jean’s.

“Eren, my hands are warm, too!” Mikasa says, holding her hand out.

For a second, Mikasa’s determined eyes are overlayed by a future that hasn’t happened. Of a betrayal that feels almost inevitable. Of a missing red scarf. Of a scream that severs their bond. 

But then the moment passes and all Eren sees is a hopeful pair of eyes that are locked on him.

He takes her hand and smiles. “Yes, they’re warm.”

“M-my hands are warm, too!” Samuel blurts out.

Eren glances around and sees that pretty much everyone is looking down at their hands, possibly wondering about their own temperature. It’ll be rude to let go of Mikasa’s and Marco’s hands now, right? So Eren smiles at them. Later, he promises to himself, he’ll take the time to hold everyone’s hands at least once (or maybe twice or more times, depending on his mood), just to appreciate the fact that they’re alive. 

They’re all alive and breathing and smiling and laughing and-

“I’m sure everyone’s hands are warm!”

  
  


_ They made me think of you _

_ They made me think of you _

  
  


Seeing Instructor Shadis makes him tear up, too. But he heroically holds it in enough to not be noticeable.

“… Jaeger, what the hell are you doing?”

Eren sniffs and faces Shadis with a determined frown. “I-I caught a c-cold, sir.”

He thinks it’s a good enough excuse, because Shadis stares judgingly at him without yelling. Then with a heavy sigh, the Instructor shakes his head and begins to leave.

“Permission to speak freely, sir?”

Shadis looks like he’s regretting this a lot, but he turns to look at Eren, silently motioning him to speak.

“You are special, sir. Even if you don’t believe it, every single one of us find you a very special person that cannot be replaced. And if no one else thinks so, I do. I find you very special.”

There’s a blank look on Shadis’ face that Eren recalls seeing from his dad’s memories. This means that Shadis is embarrassed (According to his mom’s voice in his dad’s memories, anyways). 

“Jaeger,” Shadis says, speaking slowly to hide any sign of agitation.

“Yes sir?”

“Go run until you die.”

“Yes sir!”

Shadis turns to the rest of the gathered trainees. “Anyone else continue with this prank, I’ll kick you out of training.”

“Yes sir!”

  
  


_ Lights go down _

_ In the moment we're lost and found _

  
  


The question now becomes what to do.

Using the time to run as his meditation, Eren considers his options. 

This is Revival. There’s no doubt about that. His mom told him that it typically lasts from 1 to 5 minutes, but it’s possible that that’s not the limit of its ability. Or better yet. It’s possible that this power was amplified due to his titans (Speaking of, does he still have all the titans he stole? Has his life span shortened? Or did he revert back to his trainee self completely? Is he missing his abs then?). That’s the only other explanation he has for being able to go back this far in time. 

Someone or something above didn’t want him to make the same mistakes that he did. Just a little, he can’t help but to wonder if maybe that’s why Revival didn’t work at all last time. Whatever up there wanted him to see the mess of an ending this will lead up to before giving him a chance to fix everything.

Fix…

But where should he even begin?

What are the things that he needs to do?

No matter how he turns it in his head, he needs to burst through the walls and get the people here outside to the ocean. He needs the people within these walls to be prepared for Marley. But it’s not like he can just stand up and say that he’s the Founding Titan. That’s the number one way to get himself killed or “mysteriously vanished.”

But if he does not show some of his cards, everything will end helplessly just like last time. 

In his frustration, he picks up his pace. He tries to drown out his anger with a physical activity while his mind races for a way to prevent that future.

A way to send a signal to the rest of the world that they are not an easy target. In the same breath, he needs a way to give those outside a way to negotiate without feeling like they’re threatened. And if he could, he would really like to not invade Liberio again. But is there a way to send a message of their might without a massacre? 

But before all of that, he needs to consider his position within these walls. 

If he reveals that he is a titan, that’s all he will be to the people here. A monster, a weapon. Just here for the sake of evening the tides. But the reason that happened was because he was nothing but a trainee at the time. He was an easily discardable pawn. If he was someone more important, they will not be able to just override his rights with the simple words of “he’s a monster.”

But how can he be this “someone important” if he’s nothing but a trainee? 

There’s nothing to Eren Jaeger aside from his monstrous titan. That’s all there was to him last time. How can he become someone important if not as “Humanity’s Last Hope?” 

What can he do in the next two years before Reiner and Bertolt breaks down Wall Rose to become someone important?

Someone…

_ “Doctors make good spies. They have education and position…”  _

Eren Kruger had once said that to Grisha. 

He almost missteps at the sudden whisper of memory. That’s right. Right now, he’s not alone. He’s not just an angry teenager with nothing but burning hatred in his heart. He’s grown out of that. He’s matured. He’s seen the world and came to understand that there is no easy answer. There isn’t just horrific monsters that he has to kill in order for the world to be free.

Straightening himself, he continues to run. 

A doctor… 

It’ll probably make Armin and Mikasa very confused. But he has the memory. He knows enough to be a doctor within these walls. If he can be “someone who saves lives,” then it stands to reason that when he turns into a titan, they won’t just push his opinions and thoughts away as the judgments of a “mindless monster,” right?

So the first step he should take is towards that.

Become a doctor. 

Make his name synonymous with “healer” and not “suicidal blockhead.”

… Will that be enough? Does he have enough time for that? Can he truly change anything?

What if everyone dies in a more gruesome fashion? What if he fails even more spectacularly than before? What if-

His steps slow. It feels like there’s a heavy weight in his heart. He’s struggling to gasp for breath. It feels almost as if his own body is giving up. Because that will be easier, right? It’s far easier to give up now before things get hard than to try with all your heart and soul, only to realize that you’ll never be enough. You’ll never…

“Want some water?”

Eren glances towards Jean, who is doing his best not to meet his eyes. Jean is holding an open canteen up, moving it side to side to let Eren hear the sound of water sloshing inside. There’s a faint blush on his cheeks as if he can’t believe himself for doing this. Just a bit further, the others are peering at the two of them from behind bushes and the warehouse.

“I-I’m not worried or anything. After all, it’s you. But you’ve been running nonstop since this morning. Have you even taken a break for lunch? If you beg really nicely, maybe I’ll go get something to eat for you, too.”

For a second, Jean’s embarrassed form is overlapped with his older self. The furrowed brows as he glares down at Eren in disgust. The anger coiled tightly in those tense muscles. The slight break of his voice as he tries to keep himself under control after Connie’s death.

_ “It wasn’t enough to kill Sasha, but now you have to kill all of us? You… Eren, I used to respect you.” _

Eren’s knees feel weak. When he tries to take a step forward, his legs give out. He finds himself on the ground, staring up at Jean. This Jean. This young and embarrassed Jean who has yet to come to hate Eren. But the lie to cover up his feelings is still the same. Because in the end, the Jean of the future still jumped in front of Reiner’s Armored Titan to protect Eren one last time.

“H-hey!” Jean yells, alarmed.

He looks around, possibly hoping that someone else will rush out to help him. But when no one does, he lets out a frustrated growl and comes to kneel by Eren’s side. A firm chest supports Eren’s back as Jean presses the open canteen against Eren’s lips.

“Drink,” Jean orders, his eyes wild with worry and panic.

It’s not until then that Eren realizes just how thirsty he is. It’s not until then he realizes just what he threw aside. What he never took notice of.

From the beginning, haven’t they all cared so deeply about each other? Bertolt said it, too. That he considered all of them as precious squad members. Why hadn’t Eren listened more closely? Why was he so quick to reject everything? Why did he allow so many people to die without bothering to understand them? Why did he close his heart to their so obvious feelings?

“Don’t cry,” Jean growls, frustrated. “You’re going to lose water you don’t have. Just… just drink, you idiot!”

His words of gratitude gets swallowed by the water he desperately gulps down. Once his brain isn’t a mess and his body isn’t so dehydrated, he’ll hug Jean and thank him properly.

  
  


_ I just wanna be by your side _

  
  


“Eren, are you… uh… okay?” Armin asks, pulling Eren to the side. Mikasa stands right next to him, brows furrowed in worry.

Their future selves stood quite like this. Armin in the front with a disarming smile and words. Mikasa behind him with her hand on her blade, ready to strike. And understanding exactly where this was going to lead, Eren followed them. He didn’t protest. He didn’t struggle.

He let them kill him.

Because by that point in time, he understood. Everyone who might have once sided with him is dead. Zeke, Jean, Connie, Floch, Levi… Everyone he had come to trust to have his back will no longer laugh with him. All that’s left is this broken relationship he crushed under his heels when he first left for Liberio.

“Eren?” Mikasa calls, pulling him out of the future.

“S-sorry. Yeah, I’m fine. Just… remembered some things.”

Armin and Mikasa glance at each other and then back at Eren. “You’ve been weird since that night. Are you sure that’s all there is?”

His first test.

Or perhaps this is his second test? Because the first test has most definitely got to be his reaction to Bertolt and Reiner. And if he could so easily forgive those two for all the things that they ended up doing, for all the blood they spilled, all the sins they collected, all the lives they stole… Then surely he can hold onto his childhood friends just as tightly?

“I remembered what happened to dad,” Eren tells them.

Both of them turn to him excitedly. But it’s short lived. They see Eren’s downcast smile and understand without him saying anything more. But they need to hear more. They need to know the plans as Eren goes forward. Because he can’t stand the thought of losing them again.

He can’t be betrayed by them again.

“There’s something I need to tell you guys. The truth is, my dad came from outside of these walls…”

  
  


_ If these wings could fly _

  
  


The only thing he doesn’t tell Armin and Mikasa is the power of Revival. There’s no need to overwhelm them completely.

It’s hard enough to accept that Eren ate his father and received the Attack Titan. It’s hard enough to explain about the world outside, about Marley and the rest of the world that are waiting to kill them. That the ocean does exist, Armin. But the discovery of the ocean will come with monsters that they must be prepared to deal with.

And because he knows how hard it is to believe all of this, he promises to show them his titan.

In the middle of the night, the three of them sneak out to the mountains. It’s a place Eren noted during training in the future. A cliff-side by the mountain that will hide the lightning flash of titan transformation.

With Mikasa and Armin anxiously watching him, Eren shows them the Attack Titan.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

This was not part of the plan.

But it’s too late to think about that, seeing that Floch is staring at them slacked-jaw.

“I-I just… wanted to pee,” he whispers. “B-b-but…” 

Floch’s eyes are locked onto Eren, who has exited his titan in hopes of calming down the situation. Mikasa has Floch pinned to the ground. Armin looks like he is also on the verge of a panic attack.

“T-this is a bad dream,” Armin tells Floch.

“This is clearly not a dream!” Floch yells back, a second away from crying. “What the hell? What the hell?”

Just a little, Eren misses the calm, level-headed Floch who stood by his decisions. But that show of matureness that Floch showed was only possible because of Erwin’s sacrifice. The devil, Floch had said. The only way to defeat a devil is to become a devil yourself. 

_ “But that’s only if you’re human. You’ve stopped being human for a while now, Eren. If I have to call you something, it’d be… ‘God.’” _

That cool smile of the future Floch seems to disappear the longer Eren stares at the currently crying Floch. This mess of a child will grow up one day to be that mature, huh?

Eren touches Floch’s cheek, causing him to stop wailing to stare back at Eren in terror. 

“I am Eren Jaeger. I am not a monster, a devil, or a god. I’m just… your squadmate.”

The terror seems to turn into more of despairing realization. Eren realizes belatedly maybe that wasn’t the right way to deal with this. But what the hell is he supposed to say? How is he supposed to explain things to Floch?

“Just kidding,” he says, pinching Floch’s cheek. “I am the devil who has borrowed a human form. These two are my closest aides. I hadn’t meant for you to find out specifically, but since you know, I’ve decided to trust you.”

It’s something that struck Eren as odd before. Just how much Floch was stuck on the ideas of “devils” and “gods.” He never got to talk more with Floch to figure out more. But he gets the feeling it might be more than just a figure of speech that Floch adopted because it was cool. After all, Floch’s eyes are sparkling, and he leans in towards Eren in interest.

He releases Floch but doesn’t move from his position. “I need a human partner to keep myself stable. Otherwise, I’ll turn into my true form more and more frequently. It’s also why I’ve been… emotionally unstable recently. What do you say, Floch? Won’t you be my human anchor?”

And Floch must really love things like this if he doesn’t even hesitate or ask for something in return.

  
  


_ For the rest of our lives _

  
  


"… by cutting their nape."

It seems odd to be talking about killing titans after so long. Paradis has long stopped worrying over pure titans until Zeke screamed. And even then, Levi was able to so easily stop them.

But once upon a time, these monsters were the biggest threat they had to worry about.

"Look, Jaeger. Now you can kill those titans as much as you want," Jean remarks with a sly grin during break.

How strange. These were the types of baits that he used to rise to? Were they always so childish?

Eren can't help but to smile at how cute it all feels.

"W-what? Why are you smiling?" Jean demands.

"Hey Jean, were you always this cute?"

The blonde freezes. Then slowly, his face begins to tint pink. He seems unable to form a coherent response, because he just buries his face in his hands.

"Weren't you the one who always talked about killing titans?" Mina points out, looking amused.

That already feels like a long ago dream. Eren smiles sheepishly.

"It just seems like it'll hurt, you know?"

Reiner joins them with a raised brow. "Hurt?"

"You know. It's their nape. Even if they can heal, it has got to hurt when someone cuts it."

He feels like he can feel the ghost of a blade plunging into his nape. He shudders at the feeling.

"Huh?! The hell are you feeling hurt for them for? They're going to eat you if you don't fight back," Jean growls, pretending he wasn't a blushing mess a minute ago.

Marco has a thoughtful expression on his face as he regards Eren. "You're quite sensitive, aren't you?"

Eren offers a sheepish smile as answer. 

"I… want to be compassionate. Even if it means I have to slow down or I have to come up with a different plan, I want to try and understand. I… don't want to hurt people needlessly or because of my own selfishness… Something like that, I guess?"

He doesn't really get why everyone is looking at him like that. He's much more used to the exasperated looks. Or frustrated looks. But this is something he doesn’t know how to read. What does it mean? Why are they staring at him like that? Is what he said embarrassing? But if it is, wouldn’t Jean be laughing right now?

"Even to the titans that attacked your hometown?" Reiner asks him seriously.

Eren recalls his dad's memories of the former Eldian Restorationists. The foolish and young men and women who were all titanized. He recalls Dina's titan. The heartbreak of watching those his dad once called comrades become the very monsters in fairy tales. The anger and confusion they felt. The hate they held for Zeke and their fate.

"Especially them," he finds himself admitting. Then after a pause, he adds, “The Colossal and the Armored, too. And anyone else they might have as friends. I want to try to understand.”

“There’s no need to do that! They’re just titans,” Floch says, joining the conversation.

Yes, they are. And that’s more so the reason why they should try to understand.

Eren turns to Floch with a soft smile. “I want to understand people’s hearts. Tell me, Floch, what’s in your heart?”

He turns to Mina. “Yours?”

Then to Marco. “Yours?”

Then to Jean. “Yours?”

And then finally to Reiner.

“What are you hiding in your heart? What are you keeping so tightly concealed in there? Even if it’s foolish, even if I’m just wasting time, I want to take the time to get to know what’s in everyone’s hearts.”

Everyone’s faces have that strange expression again. Everyone except Reiner. Reiner’s expression is guarded. Like he can’t ever trust Eren, no matter what. And Eren supposes that that’s fair, too.

At this moment in time, Eren has done nothing to show that he can be trusted. If he pushes too much, Reiner will back away. So the safest option will be to just leave his hand out. If Reiner wants to trust him, he can take the hand. But until then, Eren will have to stay steadfast.

“Won’t you please let me in, even if it’s just a little?”

Floch surprises Eren by moving first. He places his hand over his own heart as he declares, “You can have all of my heart, however you’d like!”

…

Somehow, Eren gets the feeling that Floch completely misunderstood what he meant.

  
  


_ I'm in a foreign state _

_ My thoughts they slip away _

  
  


He watches as Gordon slowly stitches the rip in his shirt with careful precision. He's never noticed how steady Gordon's hands are before. Probably because he had always been so focused on titans. It seems almost sad the small details he missed on the people who didn’t live to adulthood last time.

"Do you have something you want me to fix?" Gordon asks, giving Eren a soft smile.

"No. I just like watching you."

Gordon's cheeks flush red. "H-huh? W-watch me? I-it isn't boring?"

"It's pretty cool, actually. Look how steady your hands are. It's comforting to watch. If I ever need stitches, I'll come to you for help."

"I don't think I can stitch a human like a shirt. But if you get a rip, I'll fix it for you."

Eren giggles. "You'd make a good wife, wouldn't you?"

Hm? Why does Gordon look so shocked? And now his blush has spread to his neck. He won't meet Eren's eyes either. Is he sick? Oh, then this is a good chance to practice his doctorie-ness!

He reaches forward and presses his hand against Gordon's forehead. It doesn't feel like a fever. But maybe that's because the forehead isn't always the best place to check? If he touches Gordon's neck-

Gordon grabs Eren's hand, preventing it from touching anything else. It's possible that he said something, but Eren's too caught up a new discovery to register it.

"Your hands are huge!" Eren can't help but to exclaim.

He takes Gordon's hand and puts his own against it. Gordon's hands are much larger than Eren's. It feels a little like he's comparing his hand sizes with his dad when he was a child. Although it’s not Gordon’s fault that his hands are so big, Eren can’t help but to feel a bit resentful. He wants to have a naturally large body that can easily gain muscles, too. Why couldn’t Grisha give that to him instead of the Attack Titan?

"You know, people with big hands are supposed to have matching big hearts," Eren recalls. He can't quite remember who said that to him, though.

"Pfft. If that's true then I guess Bertolt and Reiner must have huge hearts,” Gordon says lightly.

And now that Gordon has brought it up, Eren wants to go check. With a quick goodbye, he runs to find either of the Warriors. He doesn’t know where Reiner is, but he does find Bertolt with Armin, going over theories together with amused smiles. Figuring this wouldn’t interrupt them, Eren reaches over and grabs Bertolt’s hand.

“E-E-E-Eren?! I-is everything okay? W-w-why are you…?” Bertolt doesn’t seem to know how to finish that. Instead, he just stares wide-eyed at their joined hands.

“I wanted to see how big your hand is compared to mine,” Eren explains. He holds their hands up together to show Bertolt. “Look! Look! It’s humongous!”

Bertolt’s face is beet red, rivaling Gordon’s from before. Eren wonders if maybe all people with big hands react like this to having their hands being complimented.

“Is it important to have big hands, Eren?” Armin asks. 

There’s an amused grin on his face as he holds his hand up to check against Eren’s. Without hesitation, Eren puts his hand against Armin’s. Their hands are a lot closer in size, but his is bigger than Armin’s. Eren takes pride in that.

“Not important, per se. But Gordon and I were talking about how having a big hand means you have a big heart. Since Bertolt’s hand is this big, his heart must be colossal!”

Armin frowns and glances at his small hand. “That’s… pretty hurtful to say to me.”

“That saying is probably not true,” Bertolt says with a meek smile. “My heart is normal sized.”

“You guys have no sense of imagination!” Eren groans. 

Armin and Bertolt exchange an exasperated smile. 

Have these two always been friends? Eren can’t recall. He supposes it makes sense, though. These two are both pretty quiet and keep to themselves. They probably connected over a book that they liked to read. Bertolt probably meant it. When he said that he considered them all precious squadmates. He probably remembered moments like these.

Eren’s throat feels tight. 

That’s right. In the end, they were all just children, desperately trying to survive in this cruel world. 

“Since your heart’s really big, Bertolt, you should share your dinner with me!” 

Bertolt’s smile falls. Armin tries his best to hide his laughter behind his other hand. Eren grins as widely as he can to try and forget about a future that he will prevent. 

That he must prevent.

“Just kidding! But Bertolt, sit with us for dinner. I want to hear your thoughts today!”

“M-mine? It’s… probably not interesting-”

Eren shakes his head firmly. “I’ll be the judge of that! I told you, I’m trying to understand everyone’s hearts. You count in that everyone, you know.”

It’s there just for a second. The look of immense guilt that must be weighing so heavily on Bertolt’s heart. The same guilt that Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie must have been carrying all that time. How should he go about easing that guilt? That’s one step that Eren can’t figure out. So for now, he’ll do the best he can to keep reaching out to them.

  
  


_ My words are leaving me _

_ They caught an aeroplane _

  
  


The hardest part is figuring out how to approach Annie.

Or so he tells himself anyways. But it’s actually really easy. After all, they’re all just lonely children who have been desperate for someone to call out to them. So it’s not a surprise that just like Bertolt and Reiner, Annie will react well to someone’s compliment.

“It’s really cool how you can dodge Instructor Shadis without any consequences!”

Annie blinks owlishly at Eren. That means she’s super impressed, right?

“Let’s partner up! Don’t you think it’ll be fun to spar against someone who’s actually serious about this?”

Her lips press into a thin line. It’s clear that she hates the thought. But Annie is kind as she always is. She lets out a soft sigh and takes her fighting stance. 

It feels so nostalgic to see it after so long. After having those moves beaten into him, he used it again and again against so many enemies. This time, he’s not going to half-heart it. He’s going to master anything that Annie throws at him. 

That’s probably the best way to thank her for everything, after all.

“Annie, I’m going to warn you now that I use a really cool technique that-”

Eren doesn’t recall finishing his sentence. All he knows is that he’s talking to Annie in one second. And in the next, he’s on the ground in an extremely nostalgic position. 

“Done talking now?” Annie asks him, flicking her bangs back.

That’s too cool.

“Annie, teach me how to do that!”

She looks completely taken back by his enthusiasm. It reminds him so much of a time long ago, when Annie blushed softly and offered to teach it to him. He had rejected it on the sole basis that it hurt. Oh, how he regrets not taking the time to master it when he had the chance.

“It won’t help you kill titans,” Annie says slowly.

“I’m going to use it to fight Jean,” Eren tells her with a grin.

She stares back at him for a second longer. Then the corner of her lips twitch and she looks away, hiding her laugh. But Eren saw it. Eren almost heard it.

“Alright.”

Annie holds her hand out for Eren to take. And because he has been examining everyone’s hands recently, he can’t help but to note how soft her hands are. How small and dainty they are. He stares at her hands for a beat longer before gently running his fingers over it to examine it better.

“W-what are you doing?” Annie asks. But she must not be mad, since she’s not hitting him or trying to get her hand back. Just taken back, if anything.

“Your hand is super soft! It’s like I’m touching a princess’s hands! Do you do skincare? I bet the other girls will kill for your secret!”

When he glances up, he realizes that her face is red. Is she shy because he’s holding her hand? He finds it more endearing than he thought he would. 

“Hey Annie, why don’t you join in on girl’s night? I bet they’d love to talk to you as much as I like talking to you.”

He thought she’d just pull away. That she’d keep her secret close to her heart and refuse to let anyone in. Just like how she hid inside of her crystal until Eren’s War Hammer shattered it with the help of the Jaw. But that is a future that doesn’t need to come true. If Eren can just reach her now…

“It’s easier to be alone.”

“Then promise me?” Eren asks, holding her hand close to his own heart. “If you ever feel being alone is too much, come hold my hand. It’s not as big as Reiner’s or Bertolt’s or Gordon’s. But it’s plenty big to cover yours.”

Annie looks a little disgusted, but she doesn’t pull away. Instead, she just gives him a judging stare. It makes Eren’s cheeks flush in defiance.

“B-because… h-hand sizes and… h-hearts and… S-shut up! Don’t look at me!”

There’s a hint of amusement dancing in Annie’s eyes as she finally takes her hand back. 

“Very eloquent,” she teases.

He thinks they’re a bit closer than they were before.

  
  


_ Because I thought of you _

_ Just from the thought of you _

  
  


Historia… that is, Krista is a hurdle that Eren doesn’t feel right approaching. This is Ymir’s ground. He has no place here. The pain in their hearts can only be healed by each other, by those who have suffered through the same wounds. And as someone who forcibly alienated Ymir and forced her to side with the Marleys, he doesn’t have any rights infringing in their safe haven.

That’s what he thought.

He could have sworn that that’s correct.

So why is it that he’s sitting in the girl’s dorm as the girls hold up different colored ribbons to his hair?

“M-my hair’s too short for this, isn’t it?” he stammers, trying not to feel too creeped out by their giggles.

“Just grow it out,” Mina says as if it’s that simple.

And yeah, he thinks his hair was pretty nice when he grew it out. But it wasn’t because he wanted people to play with it like this!

“It’ll get in the way of the vertical maneuvering-”

But it’s clear that no one is listening as they compare the different colors of the ribbons against his skin tone and eye color and… His head feels like it’s spinning from trying to keep up with this.

“Green ribbon,” Mikasa insists as she holds up five different shades of green.

“No, no. You have to consider other things, too,” Sandra tells her gently. She holds up an array of blue ribbons. “Look, this blue ribbon has little feathers on it, right? Doesn’t it remind you of the Survey Corps? It suits Eren better, don’t you think?”

“Red is better. It fits the fire in his eyes,” Ruth insists. 

Annie picks up one of Sandra’s blue ribbon. “This one. It’s the same color as my eyes. So it suits you as my student best, no?”

Mikasa’s eyes narrow at her. “Marking him like some kind of a beast, are you?”

“The only beast here is you. I’m a fragile maiden, right, Eren?”

At the looming fight between the two, Krista tries to settle them down with a sweet smile. Probably because her sweet Krista is involved, Ymir jumps in with a lit match. Eren honestly doesn’t recall these girls being like this before.

“I’m surprised you’re not trying to stop them,” Hannah admits as she sits down next to Eren with a smile.

“I think I’m still in shock, actually,” Eren says.

Hannah laughs. “We’re livelier than the boys, aren’t we? It makes me think that we’ve gotten that much closer.”

Closer… That’s right. Everyone is participating in this. There’s no one standing awkwardly alone away from the fight…

Except for-

The door opens, immediately silencing the fight. Everyone straightens, pretending that absolutely nothing happened. But it’s not one of the instructors coming to check in on them. It’s Sasha with a wide grin as she holds up a bag filled with recently cooked potatoes.

“Guess what I got?” Sasha giggles.

“Sasha, you’re a genius!” comes the praise Eren didn’t expect.

Everyone gathers around for a potato, exclaiming about how perfect it’s been cooked and how wonderful Sasha is to think of all of them. Mikasa gets one for Eren, too, and he whole-heartedly agrees with everyone that Sasha really outdid herself with the potatoes.

It looks like even before meeting Niccolo, she always had a knack for cooking. How did Eren miss that? Of course, she would. She loves food the most. So she would know the best way to eat any kind of food. 

“Is it so good that you can’t help but to cry?” Sasha teases him.

Eren smiles. “Yes! Thank you for sharing it with me!”

And to everyone, he sincerely says, “Thank you for inviting me today!”

“Ugh, you became such a sap,” Ymir says, shaking her head in mock disgust.

“It can’t be helped! Since all of you are important to me!”

Everyone has matching blushes on their faces, looking a bit exasperatedly at him. But the looks seem fond somehow. Like they’ve all come to an agreement that this is just how Eren is.

“Stop him now. Else we won’t hear the end of his ‘understanding hearts’ speech,” Annie remarks.

The mood turns into gentle laughters at the cost of mocking Eren. But he finds that he doesn’t mind it too much.

  
  


_ Oh, lights go down _

_ In the moment we're lost and found _

  
  


Reiner calls him out one night and leads him to the forest in the mountains. 

Eren isn’t too sure what this means, so he just quietly follow after him. It doesn’t look like they’re being tailed, so it’s not like Annie or Bertolt is waiting to ambush Eren. So at least he didn’t seem to have given away that he has the Founding Titan. Then what does Reiner want?

They stop pretty far in the forest. If either of them were to scream, no one will hear them. If either of them are killed, no one will notice until much, much too late. The last time the two of them tried to have a quiet talk, it was Reiner grabbing the front of Eren’s shirt, demanding with a broken voice why Eren insisted on making Reiner the villain.

Perhaps it’s the forest, perhaps it’s the darkness. But Eren finds himself tensing.

“It’s pretty nice to hike even in the dark, huh?” Reiner says lightly.

That’s not what he wants to say. Eren can tell from the way Reiner can’t meet his eyes. The way Reiner keeps opening and closing his mouth as if he can’t decide what to say. The way Reiner periodically shakes his head as if rejecting something in his head.

“Reiner, it’s fine,” Eren tells him with what he hopes is an encouraging smile. “Just say it.”

There’s a thick silence that makes every instinct scream at Eren to run. That this is dangerous. That the glint in Reiner’s eyes cannot be trusted. That the last time he trusted Reiner, Jean was-

“You said… you want to understand what’s in my heart.”

Reiner takes a step close, and Eren finds himself taking a step back. But Reiner doesn’t seem to mind as he drives Eren until his back is against a tree. Eren finds himself trapped with the tree behind him and Reiner in the front. But what frightens him isn’t that. What frightens him is the look in Reiner’s eyes that Eren has never seen before.

“I-I do,” Eren manages out weakly.

He scolds himself for such a meek answer.

“You’ll regret it really badly,” Reiner says, his voice low. He leans in close, far too close. “You’ll end up hating me. Me and yourself for being so stupid enough to think you want to understand people’s hearts.”

Eren feels his body shudder at the feel of Reiner’s words against his skin. They feel like chains around his neck, slowly choking the life out of him. Was Reiner always this kind of terrifying person? The Reiner he met in Liberio was someone desperately seeking death. But the Reiner before him now… So this is the terrifying Warrior that the Marleys chose to gift the Armored Titan to. So this is the terrifying person that Bertolt was so proud of following.

Because yeah. Reiner is right.

Eren doesn’t want to know.

He said such serious words foolishly and lightly. He didn’t understand the implication of his own words. Understand their hearts? Hah! Who is he trying to fool? He doesn’t give two shits about anyone’s hearts but his own. As long as he can protect himself (protect his heart by keeping those he loves alive), he doesn’t care.

“Reiner,” Eren whispers. He hates the way his voice trembles.

Reiner’s face is much too close to Eren’s neck. He fears that his throat will be ripped out. Torn out. Is that even possible? Can Reiner do something like that in his human body? It’ll be much easier in their titan form, right? 

Or is that underestimating a Warrior too much?

He can’t take this anymore.

Eren punches Reiner’s face with as much force as he can muster. He turns to leave, but his punch wasn’t enough. Everything he can muster wasn’t enough. 

Reiner grabs him by the shoulder and yanks him back. A large hand grabs him by the head and smashes it against the tree. The world darkens for a second, but Eren fights to hang in there. He can’t black out. He can’t lose his consciousness. Not now. The minute he does that, everything will be over. Everything will be…

“See? I told you. You’ll regret it and hate me. The heart, Eren, is a dark thing. You shouldn’t reach out to monsters like me with such weak will.”

Fuck you, Reiner. Fuck you. 

Eren will just transform… No, he can’t transform. He needs to focus on healing his head so he can fight. Even if he gives up his position, he needs to-

He catches a sight of a blue butterfly. Are you fucking-

When he blinks, he finds himself with his back pressed against the tree. It takes him a fraction of a second to remember where he is, what just happened. Reiner is standing right in front of him, preventing Eren from moving away from his position. Then Reiner leans in, close. Too close. Much too close.

“You’ll end up hating me. Me and yourself for being so stupid enough to think you want to understand people’s hearts.”

This time, Eren doesn’t hesitate. He transforms.

He goes for Reiner. And in the blissful second of Reiner trying to register what is happening, Eren gets the upperhand. He bites down hard, relishing in the taste of blood and hah! He did it. He did it! He finally killed the Armored Titan. That power is his. That power is-

The blue butterfly flutters on by as if to scold him.

“You’ll end up hating me. Me and yourself for being so stupid enough to think you want to understand people’s hearts.”

Eren wants to cry.

He wants to scream. He wants to rage. He wants to stop the world and take a second to catch his breath. What the hell is he supposed to do? If he can’t fight, if he can’t kill…

What other option does he have?

Eren puts one hand against Reiner’s cheek, surprising the larger teen. Is it because Reiner didn’t expect to see the tears gathering in Eren’s eyes? Is it because he didn’t expect Eren to reach for something that isn’t violence? Is it because he truly believed that he was the only monster present?

As gently as he dares, as kindly as he dares, Eren grins at the stunned look on Reiner’s face.

“Try me,” he whispers.

A second passes.

And another.

And another.

And…

Reiner’s arms tightly wrap around Eren. Reiner presses his eyes against Eren’s shoulder. By the time Eren’s brain catches up with what’s happening, he registers the sobs wrecking Reiner’s large body. He feels the tremors of Reiner’s body as he finally releases all the guilt, all the stress, all the self-loathing in one long cry against Eren’s shoulder.

Oh.

That’s what he was supposed to do.

That’s what it means to “understand hearts.” 

That’s what the blue butterfly wanted from him.

It’s not to fight. It’s not to kill. It’s to embrace someone, despite fearing for one’s life.

“Your heart isn’t so dark after all, Reiner,” Eren says softly as he wraps his own arms around Reiner.

It makes Eren think back to that moment in the basement of Liberio, when Falco brought Reiner to him for a talk. He remembers Reiner’s plea. He remembers the tears in Reiner’s eyes. He remembers Reiner begging for forgiveness and for death.

If at that moment, Eren chose to embrace Reiner like this, would he have had an ally? Would Reiner have chosen to stand by Eren’s side? Would it have stopped Reiner from crushing Jean in his titan hand? 

Would that have been enough to save them?

Reiner cries for a long time more. And when he finally seems to calm down, he rests his cheek against Eren’s own as if seeking comfort in the physical touch.

“I’m disgusting, you know,” Reiner tells Eren as he tightens his hold. “I’m disgusting and cruel. A lot of people died because of me.”

So Eren tightens his own hold, too. “There isn’t a single person with clean hands in this world, Reiner. You are not disgusting. You are normal.”

Reiner’s chuckle tickles Eren’s ear. He stays in that position for a second longer before finally releasing Eren.

“I feel like my heart is light enough to fly. Thank you, Eren.”

These words are something Reiner won’t be able to understand until later. In fact, it’s possible that Reiner now will never be able to understand it.

“We’re quite a like, aren’t we?”

Reiner tilts his head and looks to him in question, but Eren just laughs in answer. 

They hold hands as they make their way out of the forest.

  
  


_ I just wanna be by your side _

_ If these wings could fly _

  
  


“Armin, join the Military Police. Mikasa, stay with him to protect him.”

When both Mikasa and Armin looks at him in disbelief, Eren smiles. 

“We’re not doing that,” Armin says with a frown. “Not to mention I can’t keep up with the training. I’ll never make it to the top ten.”

“So we’re going to do special training until you can,” Eren explains. 

He, of course, already plans on slacking off so that his position will be open for Armin to take. It's something he never considered doing before. But Ymir did it. And if he had known earlier that this was an option, then he would've done it, too. So he plans on making sure that Armin will be kept safe from the titan curse this time around.

“That sounds fun,” Floch says as he joins in.

And because Floch is here, it seems the others have taken that to mean that it’s fine to interrupt the three of them. Everyone gathers around excitedly, talking about how they’re looking forward to extra practice.

“Since Mikasa, Annie, Bertolt, and I clearly are near the top, we’ll help out anyone who wants help,” Reiner offers.

No, Eren wants to tell them. This is for Armin. This is to make sure that Armin and Mikasa can keep their eyes on Annie. But it’s hard to say that when Annie is showing Armin how to make a proper fist. It’s hard to say that when Mikasa is giving pointers to Sasha and Connie. It’s hard to say that when Reiner and Marco are exchanging tips and tricks.

Eren sighs. 

His words are going to fall on deaf ears. They’re all too excited about this to care about his feelings. Horrible, terrible meanie-heads. All of them are-

He catches sight of a blue butterfly.

At best, it just rewound time for a few seconds. Everyone is laughing and talking like they should. What is Eren supposed to find? What is he supposed to fix? What-

The blue butterfly flutters by again.

This time, Eren focuses on what seems out of place. Everyone is laughing and playing. So who is…

He sees it.

Bertolt is standing further away from everyone else. There’s a look in his eyes that seem to borderline fear. That’s what the blue butterfly wanted him to see, huh?

After dealing with Reiner, Eren is confident he knows what to do this time.

He sprints towards Bertolt at full speed. Bertolt only seems to realize that something is wrong when Eren is just a few steps away from him. With a grin on his face, Eren jumps and tackles Bertolt to the ground. The two of them land harshly with Bertolt clearly having the wind knocked out of him. He gasps for air as Eren grins down at him.

“If you have nothing to do, want to spar with me?”

It’s there in a brief flash. A look of gratefulness that Eren normally would never have noticed. Before Bertolt sighs tiredly. But the grin on his face is unmistakable. That bright light in his eyes is without a doubt joy.

“You’ve already knocked me out, Eren. What more do you want from me?”

With such a complaint, Bertolt holds tightly onto Eren, preventing him from escaping. Eren squeaks and flails his limbs, but Bertolt refuses to let him go.

“We should just nap like this and wait for everyone to finish.”

When Eren turns to Bertolt with a pout, he’s rewarded with a rare sight of Bertolt’s smile. There’s no tiredness in the corner of his eyes. There’s no guilt carefully tucked to the side. No anxiety, no fear, no weight that always looked like it was choking Bertolt to just stay floating.

And he’s thought of this before, but it’s hitting him all over again. Just how easy it is to reach out to them. How easy it is to make them smile, to ease their worries. To make the weights they’re carrying just a little bit lighter.

If he had just a bit of kindness within him to reach out to them before, would things have been better? If he hadn’t been so blinded by his own hatred, would he have heard their screams for help? If he could have looked past his own issues enough to realize that everyone was suffering… If he…

Eren relaxes and places his head on Bertolt’s chest. That small movement prompts a small sound from Bertolt that is much too interesting. Eren glances up at Bertolt, who seems to have realized his mistake.

“W-wait… E-Eren, y-you wouldn’t… Right?”

With a bright happy grin, Eren tickles Bertolt mercilessly.

  
  


_ Oh damn these walls _

_ In the moment we're ten feet tall _

  
  


He feels his entire body coil up as the days get closer and closer to graduation. His temper feels shorter than usual. And he knows that he needs to stop lashing out from the looks of shocked hurt on everyone’s faces.

“Sorry,” he says, covering his face with his hands. “I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean…”

Krista puts her hands over Eren’s and pulls them down. “Eren, talk to me.”

Before he can shake his head and tell her that everything is fine with a fake smile, he feels Ymir’s arm around his shoulders.

“C’mon, Crybaby. What’s bothering you so much? Let’s take a break from chores to talk.”

“Don’t use this as an excuse to run from your chores,” Eren complains.

But he allows the two of them to lead him away from the dishes. They sit together in the corner of the kitchen, talking about sweet nothing until Eren finds himself laughing again.

“Everyone’s worried,” Krista tells him gently. 

“Sorry,” Eren repeats.

Ymir rolls her eyes and flicks his forehead. “You’re supposed to say ‘Thank you.’ C’mon. ‘Thank you Goddesses Ymir and Krista. I love you and will serve you both for the rest of my life!’ Easy enough to say, don’t you think?”

But it’s not just Ymir and Krista that reach out. 

It’s Hannah and Franz each taking Eren’s hands on either side of him with knowing grins. It’s Tom’s snigger when he ruffles Eren’s hair as he walks by. It’s Sandra’s soft hums as she braids Eren’s now medium-length hair that he grew out for this very reason. It’s Ruth quickly undoing Sandra’s work to replace the blue ribbon with her favorite red. It’s Nac teaching Eren how to play chess, just so he can defeat Eren at every twists and turns with an infuriating smirk. It’s Samuel who helps Eren climb a tree so they can spend the afternoon napping together instead of chores.

It’s Sasha who steals his dinner bread, only to later share with him some fruits she swiped. It’s Connie who challenges Eren to a spar and then tackles him down to tickle him until he’s crying and begging and laughing all in one. It’s Annie’s hint of a smile as she sweeps him off his feet and leaves him on the ground. It’s Mikasa helping him up, just so she can sweep him off his feet and then goes to high-five Annie in a familiar and friendly way that Eren has never seen them do before.

It’s Bertolt and Armin snuggling up on either side of him as they flip through books about herbs and medicine with him. It’s Reiner sneakily wrapping his arms around Eren to suddenly throw him over his shoulder like Eren’s a sack of potatoes. It’s Marco offering his lap for a quick nap before dinner, singing a soft lullaby that seems so achingly familiar and yet not. It’s Daz nervously asking if they can study together just so he can enthusiastically praise Eren for being so smart.

It’s Gordon with a teasing grin as he forces Eren to stand still so he can embroider a small cat on the corner of Eren’s sleeve. It’s Mina pinching his cheek and laughing at the baffled look on his face. It’s Floch taking Eren’s hand and placing it against his chest to remind him that Floch’s heart is all for Eren. It’s Mylius offering to partner up for a trek, just so he can annoy Eren with nonstop singing about the random things they see. It’s Thomas leaning his back against Eren’s in a comfortable silence in their short moments of rest. It’s Jean taking his hand in the dark so they don’t get separated on the way back to the dorms.

It’s the 104th Training Corps members around him with their often teasing remarks and actions that lets Eren know that they are here.

That he doesn’t have to be afraid.

Whatever comes, they’ll face it together.

But Eren isn’t so naive that he’ll fall for that lie.

  
  


_ And how you told me after it all _

_ We'd remember tonight _

  
  


There’s an excited buzz around him that he can’t focus on. He’s having trouble putting food into his mouth. The happy grins all around him will have faded into horror and sinking realization by this time tomorrow. Perhaps it’s because of that thought, but he can’t seem to muster up the energy to smile.

“Aren’t you a ray of sunshine?” Jean says, shaking his head. 

Eren glumly stirs his soup with his spoon. He can feel both Mikasa and Armin look at him worriedly. He can feel the questions they’re silently asking each other around him. He knows he’s being unfair. He’s throwing a fit without explaining anything to them. 

No wonder they felt justified in betraying him.

“What’s with you? You’ve been like this for the month,” Annie says, giving him a side-glance.

He stops stirring his soup and stands. “I’m not hungry.”

Marco grabs his hand and pull him to sit back down. With a gentle smile on his face, he takes Eren’s spoon and holds a bit of soup to Eren’s mouth.

“Even if it’s just a bit, you should eat.”

“You’re treating me like a kid.”

Despite complaining like that, Eren opens his mouth to accept the soup. The others seem to relax a bit. 

“Here,” Annie says, holding Eren’s dinner bread up for him to eat. 

Is this a fad now? Everyone’s going to feed him his meal? But why?

“I-I can eat just-”

“Yes, yes, you big baby,” Jean says. He uses Eren’s fork to pick up a small carrot piece to Eren’s mouth. “Be good and eat up.”

With a sullen pout, Eren accepts the food.

Armin stares at him for a beat longer. Then his eyes light up. “Oh! I get it! Eren, are you upset because we’re choosing our places tomorrow?”

“Why would he be upset about that?” Reiner asks as he sits down to join them. When he notices that everyone is feeding Eren, he grins widely and rips a part of his own dinner bread to hold up to Eren’s mouth.

“Because once we choose, we will rarely see each other again.”

Eren can’t confirm or deny it. He just accepts the bread Reiner holds out and refuses to meet their eyes. But that probably serves as an answer for them. He wonders if this counts as lying to them. It probably does, right? But he doesn’t want Reiner to realize that he is ready for tomorrow’s attack.

“You’re such a pain,” Jean groans, his cheeks strangely red.

Marco chuckles. “I think that’s just part of Eren’s charm.”

“You’ll be lonely without all of us, huh? How greedy of you,” Annie says, shaking her head.

Eren puffs his cheeks and demands to be fed so he doesn’t have to dignify them with an answer.

“If we all choose the same place, it’ll be easy enough,” Mikasa remarks.

Everyone at their table stills in silence. Seeing that, the others glance over at them. 

“I don’t want to join the Survey Corps! Why do I have to die when I worked hard to join the Military Police?” Jean complains.

It seems that everyone in the cafeteria is watching them now. Eren should probably say something before Armin sweet-talks everyone into doing something stupid.

“I think everyone should join the Garrison or the Military Police.” With everyone’s attention on himself, Eren explains his reasoning. “If you’re among the top 10, you shouldn’t waste that chance to go somewhere safe. You worked hard for it, so you should proudly take that reward. And if everyone else joins the Garrison, then every time I return from a Survey Corps mission, you guys will be the first that I can see!”

“But you’ll join the Survey Corps,” Thomas points out.

Eren nods. “I haven’t changed my plans. I want to understand everyone’s hearts. Titans included.”

“Just what’s so great about understanding the heart of a titan? You make no sense, Eren,” Mina sighs.

“Because if I can understand the heart of a ‘monster,’ then wouldn’t I be able to learn more about this world? What is outside of these walls? Is it just the titans? What if there are worse monsters out there? What if those monsters are just waiting to kill all of us? But if I can understand a titan’s heart, then surely I’ll be able to understand those monsters, too?”

He recalls the look on Pieck’s face as she took the gun away from his forehead. Even though it was the perfect chance for her to fire and kill him (preventing the long list of tragedies that followed), she could not bring herself (or allow Gabi) to shoot. And even though in the end, she revealed her hands that she was indeed the enemy, there was no doubt in the words that she spoke.

Her sincere wish of wanting to free her father. Her trust in the comrades she fought with.

“I don’t want to blind myself in fear before we even meet them. I don’t want to think of them as the enemy and close my heart first. When we meet, I want to be able to introduce myself with a smile on my face as I honestly tell them that I want to get to know them. I want to keep a door open for them.”

Eren finds himself chuckling self-deprecatingly. 

“I know. It won’t be taken very well, I don’t think. I’ll be regarded with suspicion and hate. But if I cannot reach out first and show that I understand where they stand, surely they’ll be willing to meet me halfway?”

Because that's what Reiner did. When Eren left his hand outstretched, Reiner took it. And as if waiting for that, Bertolt and Annie both followed.

Why is everyone so quiet? 

When he finished speaking before, it would usually be followed by Jean’s exasperated sighs or someone’s comment about him being a suicidal blockhead. His goal of joining the Survey Corps hasn’t changed. So why isn’t anyone acting like that? Why aren’t they all treating him like an idiot child?

“You know… if we reclaim Shiganshina, we’d be able to raise cattle for meat again,” Sasha says, grinning widely.

Huh? Wait. That’s a conversation they’re not supposed to have yet.  That’s a conversation they’re supposed to have on the walls of Trost when the Colossal suddenly appears and-

“Ohhhh! Meat! Can you imagine? We won’t feel so cramped! We won’t have to live in fear!”

Stop it. Shut up. It’s not… It’s not…

They haven’t won anything yet. If they start celebrating now, they’re going to lose everyone. Haven’t they learned nothing? If they-

“Alright fine!” Reiner laughs. He shoves the rest of his bread into Eren’s mouth. “We are going to reclaim Shiganshina! Let’s all join the Survey Corps!”

Immediately, Eren’s eyes dart around the room to find Bertolt and Annie as he takes the bread out of his mouth. Annie is shaking her head and saying something that makes Marco grin back. Bertolt is… He’s laughing.

Bertolt is laughing and cheering with Gordon and Nac. 

There’s no sign of an attack tomorrow on any of the three of them. There’s no sign of guilt or of dread. They’re laughing and cheering and celebrating with the rest of the 104th like they’re in this together.

But if there’s no attack tomorrow then…

Then…?

Everyone gets to live? Everyone will join the Survey Corps? Then won't they all die eventually from the horrors of pure titans? Do they realize what they’ve just signed up for? Wait. At least last time, they came to the decision after Trost was invaded. Without that, everyone here has too idealistic a view on the Survey Corps.

They-

Floch thumps his fist against Eren’s chest with a grin.

“You don’t have to worry. We’ll handle it together!”

Ah.

That’s right.

Why is he so worried for?

If all else fails, he’ll transform and protect everyone. There’s no need to worry about losing anyone. He still has the Attack Titan. 

“You’re finally smiling,” Armin says lightly.

Mikasa reaches for Eren’s hand, and Armin takes his other one. 

“I… underestimated everyone, didn’t I?”

The two squeeze his hands in answer.

  
  


_ For the rest of our lives _

  
  


Wall Rose does not fall.

The Trost District does not come under attack.

The 104th Training Corps of the Southern Division stand in front of Erwin despite his worrisome statistics he recites to them after the Survey Corps finally return to Trost from their most recent excursion. 

Eren wonders if Erwin looks at their bright and hopeful eyes and feels the weight of their innocence.

  
  


_ If these wings could fly _

  
  


“Oh? You have medical knowledge?” Dita asks.

The new recruits of Survey Corps are currently being divided into different squads. And although Eren hoped that he would be placed under Levi’s watch again, he realizes that there’s no need to treat him specially. After all, he isn’t a “titan” to these people just yet (He still hasn’t decided if he wants to tell them or not).

“Yes sir,” Eren answers.

Dita nods, looking relieved. “Great. Then you’ll be with the medical staff. We’re really short-handed, so anything you know, we can use.”

“Sir, we also have medical knowledge,” Armin volunteers, motioning to himself and Bertolt.

And that’s how the three of them end up rushing to help out the injured from the excursion. The injuries are gruesome, of course. But it’s nothing that Eren can’t handle. He’s seen plenty worse through his dad’s memories, Kruger’s memories, and his own experiences with war. 

But that’s a luxury that Armin doesn’t have.

“T-t-this is… h-horrible…” Armin whispers.

“Armin, take a break,” Eren tells him, gently rubbing his back. “I’ll take over your side.”

His friend looks like he wants to protest but seems to lose his will when he hears the soft groans of the injured. 

“This… is what will happen to us when we go out,” he says.

Eren nods.

“No wonder you kept telling us to not follow you… But Eren, we’re not weak children anymore. Let’s both work together for our goals.”

With that, Armin squares his shoulders and marches to help the best he can. The bravest one of them all, isn't he? That small back looks quite reliable. Eren hopes that they won’t end up on opposite sides again.

“Eren, do you need to take a break?” Bertolt asks when he notices Eren standing idly.

“I’m good. Do you want a break? I’ll cover you.”

There’s a small hesitation before Bertolt lets out a sigh. He walks over to Eren and wraps his arms around him, burying his nose in Eren’s hair. After staying like that for a few more seconds, Bertolt takes a shuddering breath and lets go.

“Just wanted to recharge. Okay! I’m off.”

How terribly cool.

Both Armin and Bertolt have become so reliable.

Eren smacks his cheeks. “You too! Let’s be off!”

“Jaeger, thank god you’re here!” Lynne exclaims. There are visible tears in her eyes as she all but pleads with Eren. “W-what should I do? Gelgar just stopped breathing!”

Just…? Then there’s still a chance to save him! 

Without hesitation, he rushes to Gelgar’s side and begins anew the tiring task of patching up the members of the Survey Corps.

  
  


_ Oh lights go down _

  
  


Dinner is the rowdiest since that’s when all of them come together to eat. The veterans are loud enough, but the former members of the 104th Southern Division are a step worse.

“Eren, you look pale. Here, have some of my soup,” Mikasa insists as she holds her spoon up to Eren’s mouth.

“I’m fine, Mikasa. If anyone’s pale, it’s Armin.”

Hearing that, Mikasa turns to Armin, looking panicked. The minute Armin opens his mouth to say that he’s fine, she shoves her spoon into his mouth. Eren tries not to snigger too loudly. He just got Mikasa’s worry off of him. No need to bring it back.

“Since I’m not around, you two need to take better care of yourselves. Bertolt, you too. Take care of yourself and them,” Mikasa scolds. 

“Yeah, Eren. Take better care of yourself,” Jean complains. “Since I exchanged my dream of a nice and easy life within the walls for you, you need to stay healthy and well enough for me to tease.”

With a grin, he pokes Eren’s reddening cheeks.

“Ain’t that right, Crybaby?”

“S-shut it! Who’s a ‘Crybaby?’”

Soon, they’re joined by the rest, all excitedly talking about what they have been up to. Unlike the three that have been placed with the medical staff, the rest of them seem to have spent today getting to know the Survey Corps and how they operate. It takes Eren a second to realize that the reason why this feels so odd is that he never had the chance to do this before.

Before, they were all forced to grow up too fast. 

"Eren! You'll never believe what Franz said to me!" Hannah exclaims as she throws herself into his lap. 

From the frustrated tone of voice and how much she pouts, he gathers that Franz made her very angry. Except what the hell is he supposed to do with his lap full of an angry girl? He turns to his friends for help. Marco makes a small motion of hugging Hannah, so that’s what Eren tries. He thinks it’s working, because Hannah snuggles close, almost victoriously.

Just a second behind that is Franz. He throws his arms around Eren from behind him. His voice is shaking, and he's clearly just stopping himself from bursting into tears. But why? Why the hell are both of them clinging to him like this? Eren is emotionally constipated, according to Jean from way back when. So why would anyone willingly go to him for comfort?

"I said I was sorry! I didn't mean it! You're the prettiest of all girls, Hannah! Eren, you're on my side, right? You agree with me?" Franz asks, his grip tightening.

Eren is most definitely not equipped to deal with this. But anyone who might be able to help him seem to have suddenly become engaged in a discussion with others, while everyone else either laughs at him or waves cheerfully at him. That's just like them. No one is going to help him? Come on! Aren’t they all friends and squadmates and all that?

Damn them all.

"What exactly happened…?"

He regrets it immediately. Both Hannah and Franz launch into explanation, insisting that one is more correct than the other. All Eren gets is that they were lonely because they were placed in different groups and started this up as a show of aggressive affection. He could’ve sworn these two were much sweeter and shyer couple. When did that change? Is it because neither of them died thanks to Bertolt never kicking down Wall Rose? Then can Eren blame this on him, Reiner, and Annie?

"Alright. There's just one thing to do," he decides.

He awkwardly grabs both of their heads and ruffle their hairs. Their eyes are wide as they stare at him. What? He doesn’t think this is that out of character of him. Is it that weird? Should he stop? No, no. He came too far to stop now. He’s going to tell them exactly how he feels about this.

“Sometimes, when you love someone very much, the words get all tangled up in your mouth. It’s not what you meant to say at all. But once it’s out, it’s hard to take back. Uh… so uh… W-what I mean is…”

It’s no good. He can’t form proper sentences. He doesn’t even know what it is that he wants to say. His face feels hot, and he knows that he must be blushing terribly. If there’s any consolation, it’s that Jean isn’t teasing him or mocking him right now.

“Pfft…”

Both Hannah and Franz burst out laughing. 

The tension between the two seems to have disappeared. And Eren feels like this is a good thing. But he can’t help but feel a bit peeved by it anyways.

“S-stop laughing!” he grumbles, pouting.

“Eren,” Hannah says, putting her hands against his cheeks. “Thank you.”

And from behind him, Franz puts his arms around both of them. Eren feels like he heard an almost breathless whisper of, “Thank you,” from Franz, too. 

Which is all good and all. But why are they thanking him for? He hasn’t done anything. He hasn’t said anything that would warrant thanks. When he tries to protest, they laugh and hold him tighter.

Weren’t they just a second away from being mad at each other? What’s with this change in mood anyhow?

Then again, it’s not like he hates it completely. Yeah, he’d prefer it if he wasn’t stuck between them, but it’s nice like this, too. These two never survived past the fall of Wall Rose before. So to see them both be able to live, both be able to laugh, is a treasure all on its own, too.

“Jaeger!” 

Eren glances and sees Mike making a small motion with his head that clearly says to follow him. By his side are Lynne, Henning, and Nanabe. Did something happen to Gelgar? Feeling worried, Eren untangles himself from the couple and runs to Mike.

“Sir,” he greets. “Is this about Gelgar’s condition?”

“Sort of,” Lynne tells him with a hesitant smile. “It’s uh… You saved Gelgar’s life today. When I mentioned that to the others, uh… the Commander said he wanted to meet you.”

Eren nods. 

How lucky. He’s already getting an audience with Erwin? And he hasn’t even revealed his titan yet. Things are progressing quite well, if he does say so himself. Now the question becomes what should he do about this? Should he tell the truth? Should he pretend to be a dumb recruit? What is the best possible option to take? 

It’s possible that the blue butterfly might not interfere anymore. So he needs to make the best possible choice without relying on it. But it’s no good. He can’t predict exactly what might happen depending on what choices he makes. Would Erwin side with him? Would Erwin toss him to the side? Can Eren still be called “Humanity’s Last Hope?” How would everyone react?

While he is lost in his thoughts, Mike leans in towards him and sniffs. He takes a step back and sneers. How nostalgic. Eren can’t help but to giggle.

“You know, people are usually disgusted or taken back when Squad Leader Mike does that,” Henning tells him, looking amused.

“I don’t know. It’s a bit charming. It’s… a very Squad Leader Mike thing,” Eren says.

The four of them look at him surprised, but he’s not sure why. He thinks that this is just a normal reaction, isn’t it? Or… m-maybe it’s because he shouldn’t know who Mike is? Shoot. Should he have pretended to not know who they are? 

“Usually, people have heard of the Commander and Captain Levi. It’s rare that they know of the other Squad Leaders,” Nanabe explains.

Eren feels his cheeks redden. Yeah. He should’ve pretended to not know them. Damn it. Damn it. Why can’t he have Armin’s gift of foresight and planning? 

“I-I just… r-really look up to everyone in the Survey Corps,” he manages out.

He can’t meet their gazes, but he’s certain that everyone is watching them. He feels even more embarrassed. Can’t everyone please just pretend not to have heard him? Please! Just ignore him!

Suddenly, someone ruffles his hair. When Eren glances up, he sees Mike’s face, lightly dusted pink.

“You’re a good kid,” Mike says.

Eren beams.

  
  


_ In the moment we're lost and found _

  
  


Erwin smiles like the charismatic leader that Eren sorely missed. That’s the only reason why his eyes begin to water at the sight of him when they enter Erwin’s office. Eren notes that Captain Levi is leaning against the wall and Hange is standing by the window with Moblit. No one else is present.

Through teary eyes, Eren observes the people in the room before arriving back on Erwin. Erwin sits at his desk with a bunch of paperwork before him. Eren recalls Hange’s constant complaints about the reports she had to turn in. But it doesn’t look too bad right now for Erwin.

It doesn’t look…

His breath gets caught in his throat. 

Floch was the one who did it. The one who swung his blade to kill Hange to stop her from shooting Eren. And in his moment of pause, Levi killed him. Levi killed everyone else left on Eren’s side before Zeke finally put him down. And in return, Zeke was caught. 

_ “I’m glad to have met you, my dearest brother.” _

Everyone seems a bit taken back when he struggles to wipe his tears away. But for every tear he wipes, two more seem to fall from his eyes. Until an ugly sob leaves his mouth, and he can’t keep himself standing upright anymore.

“I-I’m sorry,” he stammers, curled up in a small ball. “I… I don’t know why…” 

He can’t even properly apologize. Isn’t that pathetic? He’s the one who made the choice to throw everyone away. For the sake of Eldia, for the sake of his friends, for the sake of freedom. But he can’t even properly apologize to the people who had to die for his sake. The people who sacrificed so much and gained so little.

So damned little.

Mike’s hand gently rests on top of Eren’s head in an awkward kind of comfort. He wasn’t all that close to Mike before. But he feels like he wouldn’t mind getting to know this man this time around.

“Are… you not feeling well?” Erwin asks, his voice gentle.

And now that Eren’s paying attention, Erwin has moved from his position at his desk to kneel before Eren. What a man. To so casually put himself on the same level as a new recruit. When Eren was “Humanity’s Last Hope,” it was easy to like Erwin who always fought for him. But this is the charming side of him that a new recruit saw.

No wonder so many were willing to throw their lives away for his goals.

“S-sorry. I’m so embarrassed…” Eren wipes away what he hopes are the last of his tears. “I… I just…”

“He’s a fan of the Survey Corps,” Henning says with a huge grin. “He’s probably overwhelmed by seeing his heroes.”

Eren lets the blush on his face speak for itself. Mike gives him a rough head ruffle before finally withdrawing his hand.

“A fan?” Erwin asks, looking amused.

It looks like everyone has friendly smiles on their faces at Eren’s expense. He tries not to pout too much.

“S-since you took over as the Commander, the casualty rate of the Survey Corps fell by 30%. I… really admired that.”

“I see.”

The expression on Erwin’s face seem sad. He offers his hand to help Eren stand back up.

“I heard that you were able to bring Gelgar from the dead,” Erwin says.

Eren shakes his head. “No sir. Gelgar wasn’t dead. He was just toeing the line between life and death so I directed him towards us.”

“Your medical knowledge is very impressive for someone your age.”

“I used to follow my dad whenever he went out on duty. Ah, my dad was a doctor, sir,” Eren quickly explains.

Well, he actually never picked anything up from whenever his dad dragged him out. But these people don’t need to know that he actually has his dad’s memories in his head. 

Erwin nods, looking thoughtfully at Eren. “And you look up to the Survey Corps?”

Where is this going? Eren can’t get a read on what Erwin wants. What is he trying to fish out of Eren? It can’t be anything about shifters, since Erwin shouldn’t know about that yet. So then what? What does Erwin want?

“Yes sir.”

“May I ask why? Normally, people would consider us foolish. But everyone I’ve talked to from the Southern Division of the 104th Training Corps all cited you as their reason why they joined.”

They all did…? Idiots. All of them. He’s not going to get depressed just because they’re not nearby! Can they please stop giving themselves such bloated egos? Sure, he’ll be a bit sad to not have the rowdy group near him anymore. But t-that doesn’t mean he’ll miss them!

He feels his cheeks heat up, but he manages to keep his cool.

“Sir, the things I’m about to say… Can you promise me that it won’t leave this room?”

Erwin’s eyes are sharp. He seems to realize that something is important, because there’s the beginnings of a grin on his face. He glances at his soldiers, getting small nods from everyone. Then and only then, Erwin turns back to Eren.

“I promise on my honor as the Commander.”

Eren doesn’t know how much that honor is worth. But he knows the kind of man Erwin is. If Eren tells him… No, if he were to just hint that this is good for humanity, surely Erwin will cave? He’s that kind of a heroic man, isn’t he? That’s what Levi always said.

“Have you heard of the ocean, sir?”

There’s a confused silence in the room. Before anyone can speak up, Eren pushes on.

“It’s a great body of water that’s beyond the size of a lake or a river. It fills the entire horizon endlessly. And, this might be a little hard to believe, but it’s filled with salt.”

“Salt?” comes the surprised echo.

Eren nods. “My friend had a forbidden book about the outside world. Through it, we read about things that we hoped to see one day by going outside of these walls. There’s more than just the ocean. There are fields of sand, fire water, and ice ground! It’s all just waiting for us outside the walls, waiting to be rediscovered. All we have to do is get over the walls and get around the titans!”

Everyone’s expressions are hooded. Eren can’t tell at all if they think him foolish for saying something so idealistic. Or perhaps they find it charming? He can’t get a read at all.

“And once I started thinking like that, I realized that that’s wrong. We were born into this world. We have every right to those wondrous sights as anyone on the outside, whether they be titans or other kinds of monsters. Why the hell do we have to stay caged within these walls? Why can’t we go out and see those sights freely?”

Eren pauses for a second. He still can’t get a read on his audience. But he has already come this far. He might as well as push through, right? Clumsily, he reaches under his shirt and pulls out the necklace to the key to the basement. 

The key to the truth that the people within the walls will need.

“When I mentioned that to my dad, he said that there’s a secret in the basement of our house in Shiganshina. When he returns from his trip, he promised to show it to me. But that was when the Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan appeared. My reason for looking up to the Survey Corps is two-fold. The first because you are the best chance for me to get to the ocean. The second because I want to know the truth that my dad left behind.”

There’s actually a third reason. But that’s something that Eren can never say to anyone.

“It’s possible that there’s no ocean,” Erwin says evenly. “It’s possible that the truth your dad left behind for you was ruined by the attack.”

Eren nods. “It’s also possible that there are more monsters, sir. Monsters that are worse than the titans, waiting for us out there. But has that uncertainty of not knowing ever stopped the Survey Corps? Has the fear of the unknown ever clipped the Wings of Freedom?”

The silence in the room stretches to an uncomfortable amount. Eren clenches his fists to stop himself from fidgeting. Please, someone. Say something!

“Heh. How interesting. Monsters worse than titans, huh?” Hange says, lips quirked into a grin. Moblit makes a face next to her that seems to say he’s dreading whatever may come.

“That’s a good look in your eyes, at least,” Levi says.

Eren feels Mike give him a squeeze on the shoulder.

And once the three squad leaders have given their go-ahead, Erwin smiles.

“Well said, Jaeger. Once your duty to the medical staff is finished, report to Mike’s squad for duty.”

Mike’s, huh? 

Eren glances at Levi, who is staying aloof to the whole thing. Once upon a time, that man said that he liked the glint in Eren’s eyes. But that is already a story that will never be told again.

“Understood, sir!”

This time around, Eren will protect his former Captain by staying away.

  
  


_ I just wanna be by your side _

  
  


The duty to the medical staff lasts for two more weeks before they reluctantly relieve Eren of duty. By then, both Bertolt and Armin already started their training with Hange’s squad, where they’ve been assigned. Eren’s of the opinion he could’ve left much early, but the medical staff always seems to find something new for him to do.

“You know, we’re really understaffed… But the people who are here are very wonderful and funny. Are you sure you don’t want to stay with us?” the medical staff often jokingly asks.

Every single time, Gelgar laughs and proudly points to himself. “Eren’s going to be with Squad Leader Mike with me!”

“Yeah, because if he’s not there, you’d be dead.”

“Urk… Y-you can’t just… Hey Eren, stop laughing!”

The people placed in Mike’s squad are Eren, Annie, Gordon, Floch, Krista, and Ymir. From what he gathers, as the two tops of the class, both Mikasa and Reiner were placed in Levi’s care. Eren wishes them both the best of luck with all his heart. The rest of the 104th seems to have been distributed pretty evenly everywhere else. He hadn’t even realized there were these many squads, but that was probably because of his special circumstances before.

“Are you going to be okay with keeping up with us?” Gordon asks worriedly. “The next excursion outside of the walls are coming up soon. If you’re nervous-”

“I have you guys, so I’ll be fine!” Eren says lightly.

“Wow, you guys sure have a lot of fate in each other,” Nanabe remarks with an amused smile.

Eren grins. “Don’t you know? The 104th is the strongest Training Squad.”

After all, when the Survey Corps was at its lowest, there were just nine of them, and majority of them were from the 104th. But that is yet another future that he plans on rewriting.

Lynne clicks her tongue. “It’s not a matter of strength, young Eren. Come! Let’s see how well you can keep up with us!”

  
  


_ If these wings could fly _

  
  


The first excursion that Eren goes on with everyone is completely different from when he was “Humanity’s Last Hope.” 

He thinks he likes this better.

It’s tense near the front of the formation, but he still finds time to enjoy the feeling of the wind through his hair. Because look. There’s no fear of the Female Titan coming out after them. There’s no secret plan to capture her. There’s no fear of being kidnapped and becoming a liability that causes everyone’s death. 

Because Annie is riding next to him.

“Don’t fall asleep now,” she teases with amusement dancing in her eyes. 

“If you need to sleep, you can borrow me!” Floch suggests.

“No, no. That’s most definitely a bad idea! Don’t do that!” Gordon rebukes.

Ymir sniggers. “That’s just like you, Eren. Causing trouble, wherever you go!”

“But I like that about him,” Krista says. Immediately, Ymir lets out a howl of protest, prompting the rest of them to laugh. 

Eren closes his eyes closed for a second before turning to them all. With a grin, he assures them, “I’m just enjoying this freedom!”

The casualty from that trip is 23, thanks to three abnormal titans that ambushed the left flank. The medical staff borrows Eren to help treat the injured the best they can. And this is how he finds Reiner on one of the bed, cradling his injured arm.

“Are you alright?” Eren asks as he rushes to Reiner’s side.

“E-Eren! T-this is… Ah… Don’t just me too harshly, alright? But I was trying to protect someone.”

“Protect someone?”

Reiner blushes at Eren’s disbelieving look. “Y-yeah. T-totally-”

“Pfft! What are you doing, trying to look so cool? Get this, kid! This guy fell off of his own horse!” Oluo says, laughing brightly at Reiner’s darkening blush.

Reiner’s injury must not be too serious if Oluo is here to joke around with him. That’s a relief. After seeing some of the more serious injuries, Eren wasn’t sure what to do if Reiner was that badly hurt. Would he ask Reiner to heal himself? But that would mean giving himself away. Would that be something worth doing if it’s for the sake of saving someone’s life?

Eren covers his mouth to stifle his own laughter. Reiner pouts at him.

“I’m injured! You’re supposed to pamper me!”

“Yes, yes. I’ll pamper you.” Eren presses his forehead against Reiner’s, silencing Oluo’s laugh. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Then Eren’s called to help out elsewhere. But he swears he heard Oluo’s indignant, “You sly bastard, why I outta-”

He loses track of time until Krista calls to him to rest for a while. Since he won’t be able to treat anyone if he’s also half-asleep, he agrees and lets Krista pamper him (while Ymir complains his ears off) for a short nap on her lap.

  
  


_ Oh damn these walls _

  
  


He forgot.

He completely forgot.

After the Female Titan’s attack, there was a scare. Wall Rose must have been breached since titans suddenly appeared within the walls. Near that time, Eren was dealing with the Female Titan and the whole aftermath of dealing with the politicians, so his memory of what happened elsewhere is vague.

But he does remember that that was the beginning of the end. When he met up with the other recruits, Reiner and Bertolt revealed themselves to him.

Except with everything that has changed, how will that play out? Will things still be the same, except with Annie on their side? Will everyone die again? Or will they…

Huh?

Wait a minute.

What was it that Ymir said at the time when the two of them were kidnapped by Reiner and Bertolt? 

She asked about a monkey. 

If a monkey appeared within these walls then… 

_ “I want you to trust me. I understand you, Eren. Someday, I will save you.” _

He grits his teeth. It has to be. 

Zeke is here. 

“If you’re too tense, you’ll scare your horse,” Henning warns him, snapping out of his thoughts.

Mike’s Squad and Hange’s Squad have been tasked with running along the Wall Rose to find any sign of break. On the other side, the Levi’s Squad and a group from the Garrison is running towards them. Eren already knows that they’ll all meet in the middle without having found anything.

At this rate, all three shifters will be gathered when they meet up with Zeke. 

How should he go about dealing with this? At the very least, he needs to convince Zeke that they are brothers. If he does that, will the three Warriors gang up on him? He doesn’t have Levi’s trust. So there’s no way that he’ll be protected if he has to fight against three titans… Wait, Bertolt might not transform, since the heat wave might hurt others. But if he were to, then… then does Eren have to sacrifice Armin again? Except this time, there isn’t any serum to turn Armin into a pure titan. 

“Hm? Is something wrong?” Bertolt asks when he notices Eren’s gaze.

“I’m really terrified right now,” Eren admits out loud. “My heart keeps pounding like crazy. My hands feel clammy and cold at the same time. It’s really uncomfortable. I know crying won’t help me, but that’s all I want to do right now.”

“Yeah, me too,” Gordon says.

Both Sasha and Connie agrees reluctantly.

“I’m scared, too,” Krista says softly.

“Don’t worry! I’ll protect you from any titans, Krista!” Ymir tells her cheerfully. “If everyone starts begging me right now, I might consider saving you!”

Armin clears his throat to catch their attention. “Whenever I feel scared, I like to think about our goals. It steadies my hand. The dreams that we’ve held from when we were children are still the ones I hold the dearest to my heart. I don’t know if you still seek the same goals as we once did, but maybe that will help stead you, Eren.”

Stop. Stop it please. They’re not supposed to have this discussion yet. This talk is supposed to come later, much later, before they’re facing against Reiner, Bertolt, and Zeke in Shiganshina. 

But is it wrong to be hopeful?

Bertolt did not break Wall Rose like he did before. The members of 104th that should be dead are riding with him. Then is it so wrong to believe that maybe he did change the future? 

That maybe things will be better?

“There’s nothing to be scared of! We’re together!” Floch says, grinning at Eren.

Eren finds courage in those words. 

He doesn’t miss the veterans members of the squad grinning at each other with knowing looks. 

Just wait, Zeke. Eren is coming. 

This time, Eren will be the one to reach out first.

  
  


_ In the moment we're ten feet tall _

  
  


As expected, there’s no sign of a wall breach. The Garrison members go off to report this while the rest of the Survey Corps have united at Utgard Castle. Eren’s eyes linger on Captain Levi for a second before he runs to Mikasa and Reiner.

“Mikasa! Reiner! Why are both of you so bruised and dirty?” he asks them.

Both of them make a face and look away from him. Huh? Did they fight? What an odd thought. Eren was more used to Mikasa and Annie fighting for whatever strange reasons. But for these two to fight? Just what happened?

“Did you win?” Annie asks Mikasa, who nods.

Reiner scowls. “You did not!”

Bertolt joins him by his side with a friendly smile. And with Ymir over there with Krista, all the titan shifters have gathered at this seemingly abandoned castle.

By the time Eren and the others arrived at Utgard Castle before, Ymir had done a lot of damage to the castle in her titan form. Because of that, he and the others never got the chance to go through the random items hiding inside of this castle.

“What is this? Alcohol? It looks like it, but the label’s all weird. What language is this?” Gelgar asks as he holds up the bottle.

“You’re not thinking of drinking that, are you?” Lynne scolds.

Mike chuckles lightly, seemingly not minding the thought.

“Squad Leader! We have to set a good example for the new recruits and everyone else,” Nanabe scolds. 

Mike’s smile immediately vanishes, and his solemn expression returns. Seeing that, Hange bursts out laughing.

“You get mama-ed by your squad members, Mike? Hahahahaha!” 

Moblit gives her a side eye. “I’m sure he’s not the only squad leader that requires to be mama-ed.”

Hange’s mouth closes with a clack. The members of Levi’s squad chuckles as they begin to brag about the amazing Captain Levi to everyone else.

But Eren’s eyes have caught sight of other items. The boxes and boxes of food and supplies one would need for a long trip. A small machine that looks to be Zeke’s favorite portable coffee brewer. Canons and various other weapons…

This place was most likely used as a base of sorts by Zeke and the others. Then staying here any longer will most likely lead to trouble.

“You looking for something?” Connie asks as he peers over Eren’s shoulders.

“Nothing in particular,” Eren lies. He picks up one of the canned herrings and holds it up for the others to see. “Should we try to crack these open and eat it?”

Sasha, hearing that it’s food, rushes over to their sides to look. But Eren’s eyes are on the shifters. All four of them look tense, but they’re all different kinds of tenseness. With Ymir, it looks more like she’s uncomfortable. Annie looks like she’s gearing up for a fight (seeing that, Mikasa tenses, too). Bertolt looks like he’s choking on his guilt. Reiner is sweating profusely like he’s just waiting for someone to call him out.

They’re all so dreadfully young and obvious.

How did Eren manage to miss all the signs from the get-go?

“Are you even sure that’s food?” Armin asks, worriedly. He moves to examine the cans with them. 

“Recruits, don’t touch whatever you feel like!” Oluo snaps at them. And then to the other veterans, he adds, “Train your recruits better. They have no discipline! Look at Mikasa and Reiner. They’re both model recruits! Seen and not heard!”

Nanabe makes a small motion for Eren to come close. “You can have some of my snacks, if you’re hungry.”

“Can I?” Eren asks.

“Listen to me when I’m lecturing!” Oluo yells.

“Oh, shut it, Oluo! Let us rest!” Petra groans.

Even though they’re not part of the same squad, Eren can’t help but to feel that the distance between himself and Oluo is as short as ever. He happily bites into one of the crackers Nanabe gets out for him. When Sasha gives him a dirty look, he offers to share it, which promptly ends up with the rest of the former 104th squad members all looking at him. Having no choice, Eren decides to abandon the crackers (and Nanabe) to their mercy as he considers what to do about the whole Zeke situation.

Without a doubt, this place will be swarmed by titans. Eren doesn’t know if it’ll be to reclaim the supplies here or what. But Zeke will come. If he can lead everyone in this castle away before the titans come, that will save the maximum number of lives. But the problem is that he has nothing that he can say or do to logically lead them away. If he forces it, then people won’t listen to him to run. Especially not someone like Levi and the prideful members of his squad.

Then should he just sacrifice those people? 

He slowly looks around the room, taking in the laughing group. Can he really make that kind of a cold decision? At least with the people in Liberio, he had multiple reasons why it was worth it in the end, but he can’t think so coldly about the people who have trained with him for so long.

“I’ll take the first watch!” Eren decides. Because then, he can at least see the titans come and go fight before anyone here get hurt.

“Wrong,” Levi counters. “You recruits get some rest. We’ll take turns with the watch.”

“Captain, please give me a chance to prove myself. I can watch-”

Eld lets out a soft sigh and stands up. He begins to stretch as he walks. Lightly, he squeezes Eren’s shoulder before taking his leave.

“No hard feelings, little recruit. Let us vets look cool in front of you, won’t you?”

Gunther gives Eren a small nod before joining Eld. 

So much for that. 

If he can’t take a watch shift, then what else should he do? Should he just get on a horse and ride off? But what if no one gives chase? Not to mention he wants to be here to meet with Zeke. He needs another plan. Another…

“Eren, you’ve been acting funny for a while now,” Armin says worriedly. “Are you not feeling well?”

Mikasa pats her lap. “If you need sleep-”

“My lap is more comfortable,” Reiner growls, patting his own.

“Mine is modest, but I will offer it to you!” Floch declares.

Krista clicks her tongue. “If anyone, my lap is the most comfortable.”

“She’s right,” Ymir says. “But I don’t want you anywhere near her lap again. So I guess, I have no choice but to offer my own.”

“You slept on Krista’s lap? Ymir’s right. It’s improper to sleep on a lady’s lap. Eren, use mine,” Gordon suggests.

Sasha and Connie chuckle and shake their heads. They both put their arms around Eren from either sides. 

“Tsk, tsk. You guys are forgetting that two is much better than one, aren’t you?” Connie shakes his head, looking down at everyone like they’re amateurs. 

Sasha sniggers. “Obviously, ours will be better than anyone else’s!”

The others seem to realize their mistake. Reiner reaches for Bertolt, but Annie gets there first. She grabs both Armin and Bertolt and turns to Eren seriously.

“Three is clearly better than two.”

Eren covers his mouth the best he can to stifle his laughter. It feels like he can always rely on these guys to make him smile. 

“Jeesh! Aren’t you well-loved?” Hange asks with a bright laugh.

The other vets chuckle with fond smiles on their faces. And belatedly, Eren realizes that it’s not just the 104th. It’s not just his squad members. It’s also the vets that seems to have gathered closely around him. Although the distance between himself and Levi’s Squad is great, the distances between himself and everyone else have shrunk noticeably. 

“But this isn’t enough.”

He feels everyone’s gazes on himself and realizes that he spoke out loud. With a slight blush on his face, he tries to play it off like there’s nothing wrong. Like he’s not dreading the future when he loses everyone again. Like he’s not fearful of seeing these fond smiles turn into that of betrayal and hurt.

“I-I mean… b-because everyone isn’t h-here.”

“We’ll see them all soon enough,” Armin tells him softly.

Eren wonders if everyone else feels this heaviness in their hearts as he does.

  
  


_ And how you told me after it all _

  
  


In the end, Eren has nothing.

“Titans! We’re surrounded!”

But he forgot to count for one more variable.

Captain Levi’s squad is one of the best for a reason. Aided by both Hange’s and Mike’s squads, it’s only a matter of time before they clean up the pure titans. Without any of the recruits helping out or being in the direct line of fire, the veterans of the three squads decimate Zeke’s titans. 

Eren and the other recruits are instead tasked with looking over any of the injured. And even then, it just feels like they’re just wasting time, watching the veterans fly around with ease on the roof. 

But the problem now is that “beastly thing,” watching them from atop of the wall. 

Connie is the one who noticed it first. And from looks of things, it seems that Zeke has taken the stance of watching from afar. Eren peeked at the other shifters’ faces. Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie all looked guilty and shocked. Ymir seems to suspect something but hasn’t arrived on the conclusion that Zeke is an enemy just yet. Everyone else look suspicious and wary of the Beast Titan. Compared to that, these young shifters are too obvious.

“How should we go about approaching that?” Hange wonders as the veterans return to the rooftop.

Eren has couple of plans, but he doubts any of those could work. For example, if he were to transform now, all that’d do is incite Zeke for a fight. No, he needs to approach this delicately. The Zeke here is not the doting older brother who allowed himself to be executed to buy Eren more time. This is the ruthless and cold War Chief Yelena loved to spin tales about.

“Someone can ride up to him,” Eren mumbles, recalling Erwin’s suicide charge he later heard Floch recount. “And while his attention is on them, our vets will sweep in to attack.”

The gazes from the veterans feel cold.

“We’re not sacrificing anyone needlessly like that,” Hange says sharply.

Zeke hasn’t thrown any rocks at them yet. That’s the only reason why Hange can say that. Their biggest disadvantage right now is how far away they are. If Eren can just get close enough to talk to Zeke, he is certain he can reach him. But that will require him to reveal himself in front of everyone.

Will this really work? Should he risk that? But to lose this chance right now to talk to Zeke will be too much of a waste. It’ll be far better to just risk everything for a chance to get Zeke on his side.

“I can make that person talk to me if I can get close enough,” Eren says carefully.

He can feel everyone’s gazes on him. The shifters’ looks especially feel vicious. Armin and Mikasa look confused. There isn’t a sign of betrayal just yet, though. Good. Eren needs all the help he can get right now.

“What do you mean ‘person?’” Hange asks slowly.

“I mean that person,” Eren points at the Beast Titan, “is my brother.”

“W-what…?” Hange’s confusion is covered by Ymir’s sudden laugh.

She throws her arms around Eren as if to plead with him to stop. “Are you kidding me? That hairy monkey over there is your brother? Hahahaha! So what? You also that hairy, Eren? Pfft… I saw you shirtless before. Believe me, you don’t have that much hair. Hah! Next, you’ll say that being a titan runs in your family or something more ridiculous!”

“It does in a sense,” Eren answers.

Her laughter stops. There’s betrayal in those eyes as he knew there would be. Eren wonders if the smile he’s offering her… offering everyone will ever be enough to begin to apologize. Please don’t hate him. Please don’t betray him. Please give him the chance to explain himself later.

“I don’t have a lot of time to explain every little detail. But I ask that you trust me.”

With that, he leaps off of the roof, biting down on his hand. The transformation is over in seconds. Without glancing back, he runs for his brother on top of the walls. If he just runs forward like this, Zeke will consider him a threat and attack him. So…

Eren slows his pace down considerably and holds his hands up in the air. This should be a universal sign that Zeke understands. 

He thinks it’s working, because Zeke doesn’t move from his position.

Next is…

Eren stops in front of the wall and exits his titan. He looks up at the red eyes of the Beast Titan and grins.

“Yo! My name is Eren Jaeger! This might be a bit hard to believe, but I’m your brother. Your father, Grisha Jaeger, had me with another woman. Zeke, I always wanted to talk to you!”

He realizes his mistake too late.

At that time when he met Zeke face-to-face for the first time, the Cart Titan had carried Zeke off. That means she has to be nearby now, too. Because she’s overseeing things as a back up. 

He forgot to account for her.

He feels his body torn apart as his eyes catch sight of the blue butterfly.

“How should we go about approaching that?” Hange wonders.

Eren closes his eyes for a second to catch his breath. Okay, he thinks. Not that. But he has confirmation that the blue butterfly will reset things if he messes up here. 

Then he has time to test things. He can take his time to figure out what he should do. 

He turns to leave.

“Eren, where are you going?” Gelgar calls out.

“I’ll create an opportunity for you. So be ready to move,” he says simply. Then he runs down for the horses, ignoring their shouts.

But he underestimated how fast the people with the vertical maneuvering equipment could move compared to him. With annoyed expressions on their faces, the veteran members of Mike’s Squad glare at him, standing between him and the horses. The other veterans are around but seems to be hanging back to allow Mike to take care of his “rebellious” recruit.

“Why don’t you explain yourself first?” Mike asks, his voice soft.

“If someone with not much experience like me was used as bait, then I might be able to lead the Beast Titan away from the walls and towards us. In that situation, you guys will be able to easily detain him!”

“And if we sacrifice our new recruits every single time, who exactly is supposed to take up on our mantel when we retire?” Henning points out.

Eren feels like they’re treating him like a child. He pouts and glares at the ground. It's no good. He can't think of a reason why they should let him go. And if he can’t do something that trivial, then of course, they won’t trust him enough to go face Zeke.

There’s a soft sigh as Mike puts his blade away.

"Your heart is in the right place." Mike gently places his hand under Eren’s chin and lifts it to force Eren to look at him. "But it's hurtful that you can't trust us."

… Hurtful?

Eren is having a hard time wrapping his head around the gentleness in Mike’s eyes. If it truly is as hurtful as Mike says it is, then why isn’t he angry? Why doesn’t he look betrayed? Why doesn’t he look like everyone else did the last time Eren purposefully kept everyone in the dark? Why does he look so much like he will try to understand if Eren tells him the truth?

Why couldn’t have the others offered him at least that much before? Instead of pushing his worries and opinions away with a casual, “It’s fine. Commander Hange and the others are taking care of it.” If they had shown this much kindness, would he have chosen a different path?

"Eren!" 

With that, a strong pair of arms wrap around him. Mikasa holds tightly onto him. Few steps behind are Armin and Floch, both grabbing Eren's hands. Bertolt, Reiner, and Annie are just behind them with everyone else in tow. 

When did this happen?

When did it become like this?

Since when did Eren have these many people who love him as much as he loves them?

“What are you doing, going off by yourself?” they scold him.

“I… I just thought… i-if I’m the bait then…”

“Mike, train your recruit better. He’s looking down on us too much,” Levi says, glaring down at Eren from his position by the wall of the castle. “We are the Survey Corps. Killing titans is our job. Your job as a recruit is to stand back and watch to learn. Bait? Since when have we needed something like that?”

The veterans seem to grin at those words.

“Alright! Then there’s just one thing to do, isn’t there? What do you say, Squad Leader Mike?” Hange shouts.

“Let’s do it.” Then to Eren, Mike ruffles his hair and grins. “Watch how cool we are.”

So Eren does.

He trusts them to be able to reach Zeke. To be able to get up there to talk to him. But he underestimated Zeke’s patience. With a simple fling of those long limbs, he too easily shower the Survey Corps with rocks that they cannot win against.

The blue butterfly takes him back.

“How should we go about approaching that?” Hange wonders.

This time, Eren reveals that he knows about Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie. He’s rewarded with their betrayed looks as they turn on one another and destroys everyone in the castle.

The blue butterfly takes him back.

Eren tries for Ymir this time. But it goes about just as well as last time. Ymir alone isn’t enough. That much, he gets that.

The blue butterfly takes him back.

With a silver tongue that Armin must be proud of, Eren manages to convince the four titan shifters to work with him. But Levi and the others are clearly distrustful of titans in general and it ends in a bloodshed before ever getting near Zeke.

The blue butterfly takes him back.

He can’t rely on the shifters. That’s what he learns. So he tries to use the Survey Corps, but there’s just no way for them to get to Zeke. If it’s not the shower of rocks from above, it’s Pieck’s swiftness that decimates them.

The blue butterfly takes him back.

The blue butterfly takes him back.

The blue butterfly…

He feels like puking. 

No more. No more. He doesn’t want to do this anymore. His brain just isn’t meant to keep up with the constant stress up coming up with new plans and strategies. He’s just not meant for something like that. 

He wants to cry. He wants to curl up somewhere and forget about all of this. He wants to just give up everything right now. He’s getting so sick and tired of watching everyone be killed or be killed himself. It’s starting to numb him, to be honest. Death? Who cares? Everyone’s going to die anyways. No matter what he chooses to do. No matter which strategy he tries… 

That blasted butterfly takes him back yet again. 

And again.

And again. 

And again.

And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again…

“How should we go about approaching that?” Hange wonders.

Eren covers his ears and curls into a small ball. He feels someone worriedly reaching out to him, but he can’t focus. He can’t lead them away. The last time he tried, the rocks came much quicker. He can’t charge forward. That’s a sure-fire way to die. So what? What’s left? 

What’s left but to give up?

“What if we surrender?” 

Eren’s head slowly lifts up and he stares at the shaky grin on Armin’s face. Did Armin just… read his mind?

“Surrender?!” the veterans echo, looking at Armin in disbelief. “We have the advantage! Why would we do that?”

Armin’s grin turns a bit more confident. “To lure that beast close by making it think that we gave up.”

“That requires for that beast up there to have an ounce of intelligence,” Levi points out.

“He does,” Eren finds himself blurting out to defend his brother before he can stop himself.

They all stare at him, but he has no idea how to justify it more than that. So he scrambles for something that might be remotely be believable.

“B-because he’s just sitting there. Instead of rushing at us like all the other titans, he’s waiting to see what we’ll do next. I think it’s a sound conclusion to think of him as intelligent.”

Armin nods, giving Eren a thankful smile. “Those are my beliefs as well.”

The others seem to think it over. And really, it’s Eren who should be thankful to Armin. He doesn’t know if this will lead everyone to die again. But he knows for certain that this is different from all the other times Eren has rushed forward to do something. Perhaps this is what he was supposed to do from the get-go.

“But how will we show that we’re surrendering?” Reiner asks, looking uncomfortably at the Beast Titan.

“What about white sheets?” Floch suggests. He flinches when everyone turns to look at him. “I-I mean, that’s… the universal sign, right? White sheets and holding our hands up? I don’t know if it’ll understand, but it’s something we can try.”

Hange nods slowly. “You know, in one of our excursions outside the walls, we met a titan that could speak somewhat. It’s probably too much to hope that this guy can talk with us like that. But I don’t think it’ll be too far-fetched to believe it’ll recognize the white sheet. At the very least, it can’t hurt to try.”

“Mike?” Levi asks.

Oh. 

Because Eren has always just been by Levi’s side (and later was used to Hange being the Commander), he didn’t realize that the chain of command fell to Mike before the other two. 

“I don’t think it’ll hurt to try. Recruits, go get as many white sheets as you can find.”

  
  


_ We'd remember tonight _

  
  


Eren really needs to stop underestimating how well Armin’s plans work. 

But this can only work because of Zeke’s naturally curious nature. That’s also something that they cannot forget. Because it was Zeke that they were facing and not a Marleyan, they managed to succeed this much.

“Can you hear me?” Zeke, in his Beast Titan, calls out. “I think this is a good enough distance to converse over your surrender conditions.”

“What the hell? It’s damned well eloquent,” Hange mumbles. Then loudly, she yells out, “Can you hear me? If not, can I get closer?”

“I can hear you. But it must be strenuous for your voice to keep yelling like that… Very well, I shall allow you to approach me. I am rather curious about that little gadget you have that lets you fly.”

Levi grips his blades. “I’ll kill it in one go-”

“No. Hange, you’ve always wanted to converse with one, right? I’ll leave this to you,” Mike decides.

Thank god. Eren lets out a sigh of relief. Good. They’re not just going to rush in for the kill. Instead, they have a chance to talk to Zeke.

A chance… 

Hange’s eyes are bright as she turns to Mike. “Really? Really, really? I can do it all by myself?”

“Take at least Moblit. Levi, you and your squad go to provide protection. Recruits and everyone else, we’ll stay here.”

Eren has to go with them. He has to talk with Zeke. But if he approaches this carelessly, this small chance that Armin bought for them will go to waste. If he can, he’d really like to not see that blue butterfly again. So he’ll have to wait his turn. If only he can say or do something that can convince them all to let him go as well. But as a new recruit, he can’t think of a single thing other then… 

“I wonder… what’s in his heart…”

Mike glances at Eren curiously. “Excuse me?”

“I-it’s not-”

But before Eren can finish, Reiner squeezes his shoulder. “That’s right. If it’s Eren, then this might work. He’s someone who can understand people’s hearts. There’s no doubt that he’ll be able to communicate with the Beast Titan. I’ll go with him to provide security-”

“I can protect him better,” Mikasa points out.

“I’m a better choice. I actually look the part of a fragile maiden unlike you two,” Annie counters. 

Bertolt meekly raises his hand. “I-I can also…”

Mike stares at Eren evenly. Eren straightens and points to himself. He keeps their eye contact and tries to convey his earnesty through just his eyes. 

“Please trust me,” he pleads.

There’s something sad in Mike’s eyes for just a second. Then he reaches over and ruffles Eren’s hair, obscuring Eren’s view of Mike’s eyes. 

“Alright,” he decides. “Eren and I will join the treaty group as well. The rest of you stay here under Nanabe’s orders.”

“Eh? Why Nanabe? I’m a better choice!” Henning argues.

“No way! It should be me,” Gelgar protests.

Lynne gives a sheepish smile. “I think Nanabe is a great choice.”

“Suck up!” the other two yell as Nanabe sniggers at them.

“W-wait, I can-”

Mike shakes his head when the former 104th squad try to protest against his decision. Then he motions for Hange and the rest to go.

Eren glances at Reiner, who gives him a thumbs up. 

Despite not knowing what Eren is planning, it seems that Reiner is on his side. 

How reliable.

Everyone is so damned reliable.

Why didn’t he realize this earlier? He doesn’t have to do this alone. At least, not anymore. He had no choice before, but that’s not the case anymore. These people are by his side, have been by his side. 

This time for sure, Eren will not make any mistake. 

  
  


_ For the rest of our lives _

  
  


“Hello, I’m Squad Leader Hange. Since I’m the most eloquent of everyone gathered, I’ve been voted to talk to you,” Hange introduces herself.

Zeke nods in his titan form. It looks like he has no intention of coming out of his titan. 

“I see. I am called Zeke. I am the War Chief. If I may ask who the rest of you are?”

“This is Captain Levi,” Hange says, pointing at each person as she gets to them. “Petra. Oluo, Eld, and Gunther. These five make up our special Squad of eccentrics. Moblit is my personal assistant and is here really to stop me from going overboard. You’ll have to excuse me if I ever start blabbering. I have such a bad habit of-”

“Squad Leader,” Moblit groans.

Hange nods. “Right. Right. See what I mean? Let’s continue. This is Squad Leader Mike. He’s the highest ranking of us. He’s a man of few words, though. So you can just converse casually with me instead! Haha. By him is our cute little recruit, Eren. I would have preferred if he stayed behind with the others, but he’s a bit like me in that he wants to get to know more about you.”

“Me? Why, I’m honored,” Zeke says with a what has to be a small bow of the head.

Hange’s eyes sparkle in excitement. Her body shakes slightly as she does her utmost best to stop herself from yelling out.

“Now then, shall we speak of your surrender terms?”

“Ahhhhh… About that… Soooooo the thing is that we don’t actually want to surrender. We just wanted to talk to you, you know? We’ve met a titan before that could speak somewhat. But not as eloquently as you. What’s with that?” Hange asks. Moblit has to grab her to stop her from getting any closer to speak.

There s a small pause as Zeke tilts his head.

“So you never planned on surrendering? You just pretended like you were to get me down? My, how clever of you!”

Hange brightens at the compliment. “Why, thank you! Now, please do understand that we just want to talk peacefully. We have no intention of bringing harm to you, especially if you don’t mean any harm to us. So what do you say? Peaceful information exchange?”

The Beast Titan’s lips stretch upwards into a toothful grin. Eren recalls a book of animals Zeke lent him during his time in Liberio hospital that said monkeys grin and show off their teeth as a sign of aggression. It’s clear that Zeke is gearing up for a fight. He doesn’t think he’s the only one to think so, because Levi and his squad members are tensing. Actually, it looks like Hange is the only one who missed the memo. Or perhaps that’s just how it looks because Hange has her usual derpy happy smile on her face.

Who knows what she’s really hiding behind that smile.

“Alright. I’m in a good mood as it is. I’ll allow it,” Zeke says. “What information could you have possibly wanted from me that you’d stage all of this?”

Hange turns her excited eyes towards Mike as if to ask for permission. Mike gives a curt nod. 

“Where do you come from? Are you a titan? You are, aren’t you? Then why are you so different from everyone else? Hey, what’s it like out there? Is there really an ocean?”

Zeke holds his hand up, causing Levi to draw his blade. But Zeke doesn’t seem to even mind that. 

“One question at a time. And while you ask, I want to examine that gear that you guys have on.”

Hange nods. “Sure. Not a problem. I’ll just-”

“No. From… Little Eren. Approach me slowly, won’t you? I won’t harm you. I just want to see the gears,” Zeke says.

Eren moves and is immediately stopped by Mike. Mike has his blade drawn and glares up at Zeke with a snarl on his face.

“Like hell!”

“Squad Leader,” Eren says, loudly and clearly enough for Zeke to hear him as well. “I am also a proud member of the Survey Corps. Please allow me to do this little.”

Eren doesn’t know what that look on Mike’s face is. He doesn’t know how to begin reading it. But…

He grins confidentiality. “Zeke won’t harm me.”

Well, he wouldn’t have before, at least. Eren has no idea where Zeke stands now. But he doesn’t have any room for hesitation. This is just like when he faced Reiner in the forest, isn’t it? That’s why Reiner sent him with full support. Knowing that, he can’t stop here now.

He’s going to reach out to his brother.

Eren stands before Zeke’s titan with a smile. “Do you want me to take off the gear, or would you rather see me use it first?”

“You’re not scared at all?” Zeke asks, sounding reluctantly impressed.

Here goes nothing.

“Dad said Big Brother Zeke has a heart of gold. So I’m not scared.”

The gazes on him isn’t just hostility from Zeke now. It’s also suspicion and confusion from the Survey Corps members. But right now, Eren can’t multitask. He needs all of his focus to be on Zeke to react appropriately.

“Your… dad…? What are you talking about?” Zeke asks, sharply.

It’s amazing how much the titan resembles its holder. Eren feels like he can see Zeke’s cold and calculating gaze set on him. But in the same breath, he feels like he can see it, too. Zeke’s soft and gentle smile filled with regret for not being able to hold Eren.

“Allow me to introduce myself properly. My name is Eren Jaeger. Grisha Jaeger, that is, your father, is mine as well. When he was 'sent to heaven,' he obtained the power of the Attack Titan to make it to within these walls. That’s how I know that you’re a good person.”

Zeke’s hand grabs Eren and lifts him up close to the beastly face. But Eren knows he has the upperhand now. If Zeke meant to kill him, he would have already done so. But look how gently Zeke is carrying him right now. As always, Zeke is much too weak to the thought of a little brother. 

The problem is calming the Survey Corps members that look ready to fight.

“Wait!” Eren tells them. “Please leave this to me. I’ll explain more later. Just… sit tight for now, okay? Put away your swords!”

Then he turns towards the red eyes of Zeke’s titan. He wonders if it even makes sense for him to feel so nostalgic right now. Probably not, right? Since they’ve never faced each other like this, human to Beast Titan.

“I applaud you for creativity. But my father never saw me like that,” Zeke says.

Eren nods in agreement. “He realized he was wrong later. He agreed that he shouldn’t have done that to you. That he was a bad father to you. He regretted not being able to tell you that himself.”

“Now that doesn’t sound like Grisha at all.”

“People change, Zeke. Their fundamental beliefs can be shaken when their young son turns them in to be murdered.”

Zeke is quiet for a second longer. Then…

“Pfft… Hahahahahahaha! I will give you this. You guys are great at coming up with some strange things!”

It’s a simple thing for Zeke. Just squeeze a little and Eren, a “human,” will not make it.

Perhaps it’s because of that, but the blue butterfly forces Eren to try again.

“You’re not scared at all?” Zeke asks.

Eren closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Wonderful. How terrifyingly wonderful. He’s going to be stuck doing this for a while, isn’t he?

He opens his eyes and looks up at the sheer mass that is the Beast Titan. His calculating old brother who has been broken too many times to trust. Approaching brashly and claiming to be his brother is too unbelievable, huh? He needs a different way to approach this. 

“I’m perfectly terrified,” Eren admits with a wry smile. “But I’m the one who bullheadedly insisted on coming. It will be too selfish of me to back away now.”

Zeke moves his hand with precision that Eren is envious of. He gently nudges Eren’s arm with his finger to see the vertical maneuvering equipment better. Eren turns around and raises his arms so Zeke and poke and prod at it.

“Do you want me to take it off so you can see it better?” Eren asks. He feels like he’s asked this before but can’t remember getting an answer. 

“This is fine,” Zeke assures him. “How fascinating. This is what you use to fly? It’s so small, though. Just how does it support a fully grown man?”

“I don’t know all the technical explanation, but I think it has to do with the belts.”

“Now that you’ve seen it, you’ll answer my questions, right?” Hange asks. 

Zeke rests his forefinger right against Eren’s back by the equipment. Eren won’t be shocked if that’s his quiet way of threatening the gathered Survey Corps members. Then to throw him off, he should smile like nothing’s wrong. It seems to relax Mike a little, at least.

“I believe the first question you had was ‘where’ I am from. Well, I can say for certain that I came ‘from’ my parents a long time ago. But I suppose that’s not what you’re after, is it? To answer honestly, I’ll have to answer something else first. The ocean, you asked me, is most definitely real. I come from across it.”

With that answer given, Zeke tugs Eren closer to himself.

“Hm, on second thought, I want a better look after all. Do you mind taking it off, Little Eren?”

He’d prefer it if he wasn’t constantly called ‘Little Eren,’ but Eren supposes that’s a luxury he can’t afford. He takes off the equipment for Zeke to examine. He doesn’t miss that Zeke keeps his left hand right by Eren while he examines the vertical maneuvering equipment with the other. 

“Do you want to put it on?” Eren finds himself asking.

Levi snorts, reminding Eren that he’s not alone with Zeke right now. 

“Eren, what are you saying? He’s too large for that!” Hange says with a light laugh.

“Ah… T-that’s true. I’m sorry. That was rude of me,” Eren says with what he hopes is a suitable kicked puppy look.

Zeke rests a finger against Eren’s shoulder as if to comfort him. But he makes no other move like he heard their small talk. How unlike the cold War Chief.

“I see,” Zeke says with a nod. “I’ve more or less figured out. You guys are unnecessary.”

Eren realizes too late that the finger wasn’t there to comfort him.

It was to keep him as a hostage.

Not that Zeke needs it.

The sight of the blue butterfly makes him want to tear his hair out in frustration.

“You’re not scared at all?” Zeke asks.

Just a little, Eren is tempted to transform right now and tackle Zeke down. Sure, the Beast Titan is larger than the Attack Titan. But he’s certain he’ll be able to get the upperhand if he just pummels Zeke faster than he can take it.

“You said you wouldn’t hurt me. Was that a lie?” Eren asks.

Zeke’s titan grins toothfully, letting Eren know that he should be more careful with his words. But Eren tried being careful. He tried being a cute little brother and he tried being polite. Maybe what he needs to do is to think outside of the box as Armin did. He should just-

“I see. You’re not just ‘Little’ Eren, huh?” Zeke says with a chuckle. He holds his hand out for the equipment on Eren’s sides. “If I may?”

“Not until you answer our questions first,” Eren declares, crossing his arms. “It’s an information exchange. There’s not much being exchanged if you get to see the equipment first.”

Eren can feel everyone else’s surprise at him. But if there’s one thing that Eren hasn’t tried, it’s being a total brat. In other words, how he normally treated Zeke once they became comfortable enough with each other.

“Your recruit is rather… strong-willed,” Zeke remarks lightly.

“I get that a lot,” Eren assures him.

Zeke stays silent for a second longer before he turns to Hange. “Alright. Then shall I start with your first question? ‘Where’ am I from? Why, that’s simple. I’m from my mother and my father.”

“Amazing! So titans can truly have children!” Hange exclaims.

“Not quite. But monsters can.”

Jeesh, what a way to phrase that. Eren knew that Grisha’s relationship with Zeke was strained at best, but it seems that it was quite worse than he realized. No wonder Zeke reacted so strongly when Eren insisted that Grisha cared. Then again, it’s not like Eren only has positive memories of their dad either. Grisha had been absolutely terrifying when he injected Eren with the titan serum without explaining anything.

Eren didn’t realize how lost in his thoughts he is until Zeke’s nimble fingers touch his vertical maneuvering equipment. A crackle of electricity that shouldn’t be there (Eren didn’t make any command or tried to turn into a titan. So why?) flashes between them. Eren jerks back and ends up falling to his butt. 

Damn it. Damn it. What did Zeke see? Does he know? That Eren is-

He can’t read the Beast Titan’s expression. It’s too stiff. Or perhaps that’s just how Zeke always is, and Eren never realized because Zeke was always honest with him? Because his older brother was so doting?

There’s honest to god fear in his heart. He’s never felt afraid of his own brother before. Not even when he didn’t know who the Beast Titan was. Not even when-

Is that steam surrounding the Beast Titan? What…?

Zeke jumps out of his titan and lands softly on the ground. The expression on his face is serious and cold. It refuses to let anyone tell what he’s actually thinking as he approaches Eren. The fear in Eren’s heart seems to threaten to petrify him. Eren actually trembles as he tries to grip his blades. He needs to defend himself. Zeke looks like he’ll… he’ll…

The blade pointing at Zeke’s neck right now is not Eren’s own. Few seconds behind are the other blades all pointing at Zeke to dare him to take another step.

“H-hey… w-what was that? Did you… did you get out of that titan? What…? How…? H-hey, explain yourself!” Hange sounds like she’s out of words to say for once.

But Eren’s eyes are locked onto Zeke’s form. On Zeke’s eyes that give nothing away. This is it then? He’s going to die like this? Everyone’s going to die? Because the blue butterfly is nowhere to be seen. And maybe the butterfly got bored. Maybe it got tired of Eren being unable to keep up. Maybe it’ll finally find someone more suiting and-

“What did you say your name is?” Zeke asks softly, ignoring everyone but Eren.

“I-it’s Eren.”

Zeke nods. “Eren what?”

Why does he want to know that all of a sudden? What the hell did he see? What does he know?

“Eren Jaeger.”

The cold mask on Zeke’s face breaks. That’s honest grief on his face. Anguish like his heart is suffering. Like he’s struggling to keep himself from bursting into tears. But Eren doesn’t understand. Why…?

“My name is Zeke Jaeger.”

It’s desperation on Zeke’s face now. Desperation? But why? Just what does Zeke want? What’s the grand scheme? What is the cold and ruthless War Chief planning to do?

“What of it?” Eren growls, trying to latch onto his anger. 

It used to come so naturally. But perhaps maturity ebbs away anger, because he finds it hard to focus on it. Not when it’s Zeke in front of him. Not when it’s his sweet brother who promised to save Eren, oh so long ago. That future is something that can never happen. It’s something Eren unwrote when he tried to fix everything else. And along the way, he thinks he might have broken Zeke’s relationship with him.

“You’re… you’re Grisha Jaeger’s son, right?” Zeke asks, his voice trembling just a bit. “I… I saw. Just a bit. I saw it. What our father did to you.”

Slowly, it dawns on Eren exactly what Zeke is talking about. That’s what Zeke saw, he realizes with a sinking horror. The moment when Grisha, crying, begged Eren to understand as he injected the serum. The moment when Eren begged his dad to stop, not realizing that his dad was out of time. That his dad had no choice but to do this. And Eren gets that. He does. He really does. He understands why his dad did what he did. 

But Zeke saw all of that from Eren’s point of view.

From the point of view of a small child who has yet to understand what is happening. 

“It’s okay. I’m on your side,” Zeke continues.

Eren drops his blade and covers his ears. 

No. No. No. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

That’s not something for Zeke to see. That’s not something for anyone to see. Zeke’s just supposed to see his perfect little brother. That frightened child is not part of the package. Back off. No one can see it. No one should ever see that broken child crying while he holds onto his dad’s glasses. No one should ever see what Eren did. The sins that he committed for the sake of survival under the guise of protecting everyone. The people that he killed and ate, the people that he mercilessly crushed, the people that he-

Someone’s hand gently rests on Eren’s head, and Eren jerks away from it. He just barely registers Mike’s worried and hurt look before he marches up to Zeke. The confused Survey Corps members take the blades away, trying to warn Eren away, but they must be too lost to figure out what’s happening. Or maybe Hange or Mike or someone else ordered them to back off. 

Because Eren has a straight path to Zeke.

He feels the anger he thought he’s long smothered ignite. He feels hot, like he’s about to be consumed by his own fire called rage. But he doesn’t recall how to reign it back. He doesn’t recall how to control it. 

So he lets himself burn.

“What the fuck would you understand? You weren’t there! You were never there! Don’t pretend like you get it now! Don’t you fucking-”

Zeke’s arms are warm as they wrap around him.

And oh.

Oh.

They’ve never done this before.

Because Zeke feared that Eren would accidentally use the Founding Titan’s powers. Because Zeke, despite loving Eren dearly and dying for him, could not make that final step to trust Eren enough to control himself. Because Zeke has always been a distrustful man who did not know how to bridge that gap. Hell, he probably didn’t even know how to trust someone after everything that happened to him.

So Zeke went out of his way to make sure that they couldn’t touch. A loving head pat, a simple high five, a casual shoulder brush were all things Zeke never allowed. 

The anger Eren thought he felt seems to have turned into something else completely. He feels his eyes begin to water as he chokes. Then everything pours out into a giant wail as he buries his face against his brother’s bare chest, holding as tightly as he physically can.

“You were never there!” Eren cries. “It was so hard, and you were never there!”

“I know. I know. I’m sorry. But I’m here now. I swear I’ll always be by your side.”

Eren clutches tightly to the soothing voice of his brother’s gentle words and cries himself to sleep in that warm embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> No matter how he turns it in his head, this is, without a doubt, the beginning of all the hard things. After all, now that he has Zeke on his side, he needs to convince Erwin and the rest of Paradis of how best to move forward. Not to mention, there’s still dealing with Marley and the rest of the world he still needs to consider. 
> 
> His head hurts just thinking about all of it.
> 
> But this time around, he isn’t alone.
> 
> There’s Mike’s Squad that promises to protect him.
> 
> There’s the former trainees who refuse to leave him alone.
> 
> There’s the Warrior Trio that seems to have decided to side with him.
> 
> There’s his War Chief of a brother who holds him so lovingly.
> 
> There’s Armin and Mikasa by his side.
> 
> He doesn’t know what the blue butterfly wants by continuously sending him back to repeat his life. He doesn’t know if this is a sign that someone up there really wants whatever happy ending that Eren will be able to force by continuing to do this. Hell, he doesn’t even know if the power of Revival might just suddenly stop working randomly.
> 
> But he does know this.
> 
> For as long as this power will keep sending him back, he will make sure to protect these people.
> 
> He refuses to allow the tragedies from before to seep into this one. 
> 
> And who knows? Maybe one day, he’ll be able to meet little Gabi and face her not as enemies but as…
> 
> “Uncle Eren! The kicking technique worked! I defeated Gabi today!” Falco exclaims as he throws his arms around Eren’s legs.
> 
> “I keep telling you to stop calling me ‘Uncle!’ I’m not that old!” Eren complains. He ruffles Falco’s hair proudly, though. 
> 
> Gabi pouts as she begins to tug on Eren’s sleeve. “It’s not fair that you only taught Falco! I thought I was your favorite!”
> 
> “Nuh-uh! I’m Uncle Eren’s favorite. And if anything, you should teach it to everyone but Gabi,” Udo declares.
> 
> “Again with the ‘Uncle…’” 
> 
> Zofia nods. “Yes! Please teach it to us! Auntie Annie said she won’t because she already passed on everything she knows to her last student.”
> 
> “Annie only said no because you guys keep calling her ‘Auntie.’ C’mon guys. We’re the same age as Colt. How come he’s ‘Big Bro’ while the rest of us are all old cronies? You guys made Bertolt cry last time, too… If you guys really want to learn, why not ask Mikasa or Mr. Levi?”
> 
> “No! No! I want you to teach it! Please, Uncle Eren? Pretty please?” Gabi begs, tugging on Eren’s sleeve more insistently.
> 
> …
> 
> That’s probably too hopeful of a future to believe in, right?
> 
> He wonders if it makes him a selfish and childish brat for wanting that kind of an ending for his story.
> 
> _Fin._


End file.
